I can literally go days without a single funny blog to post. Days. I mean, I’m funny in my head all the time, but sometimes when you write it down it just reads stupid. And not funny stupid, but regular old stupid. And then there are nights like last night. My brain hit the motherload and…
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I need to learn Russian…
The day started off normal enough. I played my farm game on my iPad before daycare. Checked my Facebook. Read a few tweets. Sent off some iMessages. It was business as usual. Within 3 hours I noticed that iMessage was completely down. I couldn’t send, couldn’t receive, there were red exclamation points all over. Never one to…
Read MoreTime for the world to hear the truth…
A third airplane in two weeks has landed unexpectedly due to a fight over leg room. Let’s all take a moment to think about the fact that there are three people in America who have physically fought someone over leg room on an air plane. Time for the world to hear the truth. Start disciplining your…
Read MoreMy new nickname is official….
Base housing had another scheduled power outage in housing. By ‘scheduled’ I mean they send you an email and tell you the power outage is from 0800-0900 and then at 1300 everything in your house shuts down. There I am, playing around on my $2,000 iMac, when all of a sudden I hear a pop…
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Lola finally caught that squirrel…
Last night, Lola was on fire. She was moving her short, chubby legs just as fast as she could. There were whimpers of delight. Her heart was pounding and her breathing was rapid. The Mommybeast was prepared to administer CPR and/or first aid should Lola need it. But she didn’t. With one final push she…
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I fell out of bed this morning…
Last night I struggled to fall asleep. It was after midnight and I knew that my clock was going to go off at 0500. My brain was doing the “if you fall asleep right now you’ll get (blank) hours of sleep” deal that all brains do to stay awake and torture your body. Stupid brain.…
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Lola had the fur scared off her….
This morning Lola and I made the command decision to clean the house. We couldn’t find a housecleaner that we liked and could afford so we’re doing all the heavy lifting ourselves. Dreams of hiring a housekeeper made us complacent this week. So there I am, moving all of our furniture, when I get the…
Read MoreDon’t wait too long to go to the potty…
I have a confession to make. My house is a mess, my clean laundry for the past month and a half is just piled onto the spare bed (which is king sized) with no room for more, and I can’t seem to beat the spiders this summer. I’m going insane. I briefly lost my sanity…
Read MoreDead Eyes has the perfect part….
Oh boy. Kristen Stewart is doing another movie, Equals. Shoot me now. I literally pray for the end of the movie profession as a whole just to rid my eyes of this thing on my screen. Apparently directors have tired of Kristen’s dead emotions but they still want to cast her. Probably because she’s now proven…
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I need an intervention…
A reader recently commented on my last post about Amazon Prime. The post where I admitted to buying a year’s worth of Skittles. Because I could. The reader tells me that her husband also got pulled in by Amazon. He bought 18 pounds of jelly beans. 18 pounds!!! To put that in perspective, I did some math for…
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Shank You Very Much 