And not just in a metaphorical sense. I was walking around cleaning up after the world’s longest day with a Little who screamed the house down. I was so tired and mentally out of it that my normal instincts were dulled. I missed the world’s biggest spider hanging out on my dining room floor. I’m…
Read MoreThe other day I found a new blog and it was so hysterical. The person was similar to myself in that she loved Seinfeld and sarcasm wasn’t a mood, it was a lifestyle. There was just one problem. Her entire website was laid out in center format. I mean, how can I read a blog…
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And she is currently kicking the shit out of my fat kid side. On Saturday I was laid low with the plague of all fat kids. Vomit. Now, any true fat kid will tell you that vomiting is the worst, absolute worst, thing that can happen to you, in your life. Food is our friend. How dare…
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I recently taught Lola a new game to play. Since she has spent the past three years shadowing me, I decided to make it interesting. I mean, there’s only so much potty monitoring you can handle before you start closing the door on your fur baby. The game started with me walking into a room and yelling…
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Someone is going to get shanked in the throat very soon. I don’t know who, or when, or even why. You’ve been warned. Feed me some cookies or cake and I may let you live. Or better yet, send me some Spam, I’m desperate to try the Chorizo flavor. Damn thing is hard to find…
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Fall is here. It is rainy and bleak and chilly outside. I love it!!! Thank you Washington state for being so dreary and grey, you make me love you more when you’re like this. Let’s talk about the horrors of Fall. I hate pumpkin. And spice. And I even hate orange by the end of…
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I’ve always been an organized person. I remember being a child who would fold her Barbie doll clothes and put them into the little pink Barbie suitcase for safekeeping. Shoes went in the trunk of the Barbie Cadillac. Hair accessories went in their little yellow organizer. Life was good. Now I am sharing something with…
Read MoreI can literally go days without a single funny blog to post. Days. I mean, I’m funny in my head all the time, but sometimes when you write it down it just reads stupid. And not funny stupid, but regular old stupid. And then there are nights like last night. My brain hit the motherload and…
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The day started off normal enough. I played my farm game on my iPad before daycare. Checked my Facebook. Read a few tweets. Sent off some iMessages. It was business as usual. Within 3 hours I noticed that iMessage was completely down. I couldn’t send, couldn’t receive, there were red exclamation points all over. Never one to…
Read MoreA third airplane in two weeks has landed unexpectedly due to a fight over leg room. Let’s all take a moment to think about the fact that there are three people in America who have physically fought someone over leg room on an air plane. Time for the world to hear the truth. Start disciplining your…
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Shank You Very Much 