Last week I shared my road trip tips for safely arriving at your final destination. This week I’d like to talk about road trip fears that may lead to an altogether different final destination.

If that was too subtle, I’m talking about death.

Which is ironic considering the road trip tips post was titled Death in the Middle of Nowhere. I had to dig down deep into the scary middle of my brain, just to come up with a title for this post that conveyed all of the thoughts it incorporates. I hope I did it justice, but I was a little busy looking for dinosaurs lurking behind desert fauna.

I packed 2 pounds of chocolate covered gummy bears to drive 35 miles down the road.

If the cactus is that big, a T-Rex could be hiding behind it, waiting for dessert. I bet we taste like chocolate to dinosaurs.

It is a glorified bucket. I’m horrified just thinking about it.

Spider football parties where screaming humans are the entertainment.

I found the perfect cheeseburger. It is 6,000 miles away and I have to cross the Pacific Ocean to get to it. My parents send photos when they eat it.
Now you all know why I am such an evil genius – it’s in the DNA.

Looking for more road trip fun? I did a series of ways to die while traveling in the state of WA. Read about it here.

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: