Let me tell you a story…

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Lola's Story

You know that moment you get a cute little puppy and bring her home? You’re so excited and every single thing they do is adorable? Then they snuggle you and your heart just explodes with love?

That is the moment you must hold on to for dear life. Even though you will grow to love your dog more and more each day, there will come a time when your love will be tested in the most excruciating ways.

Ways that will involve poop.

Last week was one of the weeks that I held on for dear life. I snuggled the Lola monster with all my worth and praised every single good moment. In between the 50 million good moments, we had some tragic ones. My foot landed in poop. Then more poop. Then even more poop.

Little poop missiles all over the house.

Lola was obviously feeling bitter about something. I started bribing her with toys, love, cheese, and even a piece of Spam. By Thursday my nerves were shattered. Any little speck of dust that was on the floor was treated as a biohazard. My treasured area rug is now my nemesis thanks to its camouflaging abilities. And then, right as I was about to lose it, I see one more piece of poop on the floor.

I approached it with rage in my heart…and it fucking moved.

Yep! It wasn’t a poop, it was a spider! I screamed so loud that Lola went on the attack. She ate the spider. For the record, Lola is terrified of spiders – she prefers to growl at them from the opposite side of the room and wait for me to gain enough courage to kill them. But not this time. This time Lola killed the spider without a moment’s hesitation.

She’s the best!


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


These are the weekly link ups I participate in!

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Poll Tuesday week 27…

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This week’s poll is going to tell me a lot about your parenting style. Maybe. Ok, I don’t know if it actually will, but I’m going to have fun finding out!

Thanks to your piss poor planning, you now need a last-minute babysitter. Head on over to see which four superheroes* I’m forcing you to choose from.

*Superhero being a loose term when you factor in probable mental instability.Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

I shouted into the internet…

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Sometimes, just when I’m worried that my brain is running out of things to say, it comes roaring back to social media faster than my fingers can type. I have contemplated making some new friends so I have someone to talk to during the day – my current group of friends all go to a day job. Unfortunately, new friends means I would probably have to put on pants during the day.

Social media has never once judged me for sitting in my pajamas all day!

Here are a few random thoughts I shouted into the internet, desperately hoping someone would hear me. Maybe they would laugh. Maybe they would send Taco Bell.

Taco Bell Hero

Facebook commenting

And there you have it. Not only do I not want to put on real pants, I don’t even want to tap buttons.


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


These are the weekly link ups I participate in!

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Teardrops and tacos…

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I’m going to have to sleep with one eye open for the next few days. Today was supposed to be the day that Lola answers those burning questions her readers send to her. Unfortunately for the Bulldog, I’ve got the thumbs to type with and I needed to say something important today.

Lola is going to punish me when I least expect it.

Right now though, I’ve got bigger problems. I woke up this morning and did a little happy dance that it was Taco Tuesday. For those of you who have been living under a rock, while you can eat tacos on any day of the week, tacos taste exponentially better on a Tuesday.

It completely defies logic.

The shell is crunchier. The sour cream is creamier. The cheese is cheesier. The meat, well it’s more meaty on Tuesdays. Even the lettuce and tomatoes taste like they are positively bad for your health, because nothing this mouth-wateringly delicious can possibly be good for you!

So, as my belly plotted its lunchtime escape just after waking for the day, my brain was tickling me with a feather. I couldn’t quite grasp what needed to be thought of. I looked around the room, befuddled. Lola was staring at me, trying to decide if today was the day I had an aneurism – leaving her to eat all the tacos.

Then it hit me like a lightning bolt. Monday was a holiday. I held up my fingers and began counting days off.

Taco Tuesday holiday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


These are the weekly link ups I participate in!

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Poll Tuesday week 26…

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Another week, another weird poll question. This week I’ve decided to throw you a question about family. Everyone always says their family is everything, like we’ve been programmed from babyhood to rely on them for food, clothing, shelter, etc.

Ok, I guess when you look at it that way, family is everything.

This week though, I’m betting a few people come out of the shadows and give me their real thoughts on their family members.

Head on over to vote now!

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Game nights and first aid kits…

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Game Night

Things took a turn for the worse last night. I had a wonderful barbecue with great friends and we played a board game. I love board games, nothing is better than moving a plastic man around a game board as I laugh maniacally and rub my hands together. However, this board game did not turn out that well. You see, I played Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

It turns out, I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader.

I did pretty well, but my teammate and I were eventually flummoxed by the simplest question. It was true or false. Buzz Aldrin was not the first person to walk on the moon. We said false.

We got it wrong. In our defense, he was on the exact same spaceflight as the guy who touched the moon first, so it’s easy to become discombobulated. The way the question is phrased leads you to somehow doubt everything you know to be true until you are no longer sure someone even walked on the moon. We even used a cheat and the other team answered false also!

Somehow, I still don’t feel better. What did make me feel better was that the fifth grader who was playing with us was not smarter than a fifth grader.

Here’s a note about the game, it’s Canadian so you will have to answer a lot of questions about Canadian government. Yeah. My school didn’t really cover any of that, and if they did, I was busy eating a cupcake and couldn’t hear them.

I’m going back to Monopoly!


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


These are the weekly link ups I participate in!

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Dear Lola – My blog sucks…

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Dear Lola,

I am a blogger who writes very funny things on the internet. I have even been known to make a few people laugh out loud. Some of my posts feature my son, who likes to explore the inner workings of indoor plumbing. It seemed to be met with hearty chuckles and pats on the back from my readers. Then the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I made the mistake of checking Google Analytics and it said my blog sucks. Sure, it didn’t use the word suck – but I knew what they were tiptoeing around. What do I do about this?

Sincerely,
Blindsided Blogger

Dear Blindsided Blogger,

I have had my Mommybeast read me a few of your posts as research for my response. She had to stop a few times as I was laughing too hard to hear what she was saying. I may have even needed a few moments outdoors to relieve myself – nothing is more embarrassing than piddling on the carpet from excitement. Your readers are correct, your blog is very funny. So what shall we do about The Google?

Well, I think we need to ignore The Google. Obviously The Google was dropped on its head as a baby and doesn’t understand humor or sarcasm. Everyone can relate to having plumbing disasters when the Miniature Humans try to understand the workings of a toilet. I myself think it is magic, but I’ve never gotten a good enough peek to say for certain that the toilet has a fairy living inside of it, flushing when needed.

I also think we need to question users of The Google. Perhaps they are trying to find your blog but they keep getting distracted by cute dog pictures on the internet. I know my Mommybeast has a hard time staying focused – I’ve caught her cheating on me more than once. If you add an English Bulldog photo to your blog, you may see an increase in your daily traffic.* I would be happy to model for your camera if you need assistance.

In the meantime, ignore The Google. It really just tries to show off its superiority over humans by using confusing numbers.

♥Lola♥

*This is purely based on the premise that people cannot resist a squishy-faced puppy.

Ask Lola

Send Lola your questions in the comments, or by clicking one of my social media links below!


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


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Poll Tuesday week 25…

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Week 25. Who would have thought I would still be standing?! 25 weeks ago I posted my first ever poll question on Twitter. I never thought it would take off the way it has. We’ve had some ups and downs, like all good partnerships, but we always seem to remain friends after the poll has closed.

Well, except for the guy who sent me a death threat. He’s not a friend.

This poll has given me hope that the world isn’t as messed up as the news tells me it is. I mean, we’re still pretty messed up – but at least there’s that ray of hope that most of us want to fix it. So join us on the bright and shiny unicorn side – we’ve got humor and weird questions to answer. And who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

 

Brain Diamonds, trademark pending…

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My brain churns out random thoughts at all hours of the day. While nights are usually reserved for bizarre pondering, the daytime hours seems to be full of one-liners that make you laugh, and possibly question your life choices. This week on social media has been no different.

Here are a few Brain Diamonds™ to prod you to follow me – you know I’m way more exciting than a random sponsored post about weight loss!

Count Calories

Mac & Cheese compliments


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


These are the weekly link ups I participate in!

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Stuffed meatloaf, because bacon is amazing…

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Meatloaf, a boring meal even when prepared by a five-star chef. Today, you’ll add bacon and cheese to your meatloaf.

Don’t forget to take a bow as your family applauds your genius.

Stuffed Meatloaf

Ingredients
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 egg
1/4 cup yellow mustard
8 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese
1 lb. bacon

Utensils Needed
Frying pan
Large bowl
Plastic wrap
Rolling pin
Casserole dish

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Set aside 4 pieces of bacon. Dice remaining bacon into small pieces and fry until crispy. Drain and set aside.
In the large bowl, mix ground beef, breadcrumbs, egg, mustard, salt, and pepper until well blended. Using your hands to mix is usually the most effective.
Place meat mixture between two pieces of plastic wrap. Roll meat out into rectangle about 1/4 inch thick.
Discard top layer of plastic wrap. Sprinkle cheese and cooked bacon on the meat, careful to leave the edges plain.
Using the botton layer of plastic wrap, roll meat into a log and discard remaining plastic wrap.
Place meat seam side down in a casserole dish. Drape raw bacon slices across the top.
Bake for 1.5 hours, making sure to reach proper temperatures for ground beef.
Let stand 15 minutes before serving.

Superhero Tip: Add extra shredded cheese to the top, about 5 minutes before removing from the oven.

Second Superhero Tip: Use the leftovers for sandwiches on sourdough bread.

Listen to all the applause.

recipe


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

 


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