Poll Tuesday week 19…

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This week I am pondering what the world record of going without sleep is. I don’t know why, it may have something to do with jet lag and my inability to sleep more than a few hours at a time. I have always been a champion sleeper, but maybe after 33 years of napping the days away I’ve finally stored up enough to keep me going. At least for the next week or so.

I miss nap time, please come back soon!

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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Life is like a box of… pizza?!

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Vacation

Well, I made it home from my vacation. For 10 whole days I played on the East Coast, without the Hubby or Lola. Well, I ate on the East Coast – playing required more effort than I was capable of. I ate at so many restaurants that the 10-year-old dubbed it Foodcation 2017. Every day was a new adventure to eat the food I used to have access to every day. There were pizzas, breakfast buffets, pizza, steaks, pizza, pasta, pizza, grinders, then more pizza. So much pizza. And the bacon. So much bacon. I ate so much that I need to detox this week, so I’ll only go to Taco Bell once.

Twice. I’ll promise twice because we all know once is just a ridiculous dream that I could never actually live up to.

Lola took great care of the Daddybeast while I was gone – she reported only having to clean up one poop on the floor. One day we’ll get that guy potty trained and Lola will get to enjoy a real vacation! Hubby may have reported things a bit differently to me, but Lola has such an innocent face that I’m leaning slightly in her favor.

Lola Cartoon

Lola is still in shock over my complete abandonment – she’s been comforting herself by following me around and licking my leg at every opportunity. Just my right leg, I think the left leg is getting blamed for actually allowing me to board the airplane. I woke up this morning to her face peering down at mine while she held her paw on my chest so I couldn’t escape.

Now that I’m back, I’ve given myself 30 days to finish hammering out my book and get it to the first editor for a look through. Now that I’ve written that sentence I realize I will not be able to stick with my twice a week Taco Bell promise. Oh well, I tried.

On a sidenote, Hubster tried to watch the movie Jaws with Lola while I was gone. She did not like it. The moment the first victim started screaming and gurgling on her blood, Hubster reported that Lola buried her head in the blanket and wouldn’t come back out.

I feel you Lola.


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


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5 ingredient Fettuccine Alfredo…

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This week I’ve decided to tackle one of my favorite meals – Fettuccine Alfredo! There are a lot of recipes available but many of them call for a bunch of ingredients and have complex instructions, not to mention use a LOT of butter. In the interest of my lazy fat kid status, and the fact that Hubster won’t eat this dish, I had to find a way to make it simple. Thus, the 5 ingredient Alfredo came to be.

Fettuccine Alfredo

Ingredients
1 lb fettuccine (dry)
3 TBSP butter
1 1/2 cup cream
2 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
Salt
*I use heavy cream for flavor. You can substitute the heavy cream for light if you’d like to save some calories.

Utensils Needed
Large Pot
Colander

Allow butter and cream to sit out at room temperature as you begin.
Salt a large pot of water, bring to a boil, and cook fettuccine. Do not overcook, the pasta should be al dente – just a bit firm.
Drain cooked pasta into colander and return pot to stove.
Reduce stove heat to medium-low and melt butter.
Add cream to melted butter, stir.
Add cheese and stir frequently until melted and well-blended.
Return pasta to pot and coat.
Serve immediately.

Superhero Tip: You can easily make this a complete meal. As you cook your pasta, roast a chicken breast and fresh asparagus in the oven – season it with a bit of butter, salt, and pepper. Serve it on top of your pasta.

Second Superhero Tip: This recipe reheats better than many alfredo recipes, due to the small amount of butter. Lunchtime never looked so good!

Mangiare bene!

recipe


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:


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Poll Tuesday week 18…

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I am on a roll with the food polls – they seem to invoke strong feelings in people. I can also count on getting over 100 votes, which is always a feel good boost to my writer self-esteem. So this week, I’ve made you envision what life would be like if you could eat only one type of cuisine for the rest of your life.

Head on over to Twitter to see which countries were selected – and may you never have to make this choice in real life. I’m already thinking about going to a buffet to binge on worldwide delicacies just to recover from the nightmares this poll is giving me.

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Lola and the great banana…

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My 2 and 4-year-old nieces recently came to visit and they stayed with me while their parents were at a hotel down the road. Lola hasn’t seen Littles since I closed my daycare almost two years ago, but I had a sneaking suspicion that things were not going to go as planned from day one. You see, my nieces are free range grazers who eat while walking. Lola, being the obviously starved for food bulldog, used this to her complete advantage.

In true Little fashion, there was an incident with a banana. It’s always a banana. You never see a kid get in trouble with an apple or an orange. Give them a banana though and watch the fuck out.

Mayhem.

My brother, who will forever remind me of Gru in Despicable Me thanks to the banana incident, handed his youngest daughter a banana. My niece, being the minion in this fiasco, was feeling victorious that Aunt Heather wasn’t there to make her sit at the table. She raised that banana high in the air and started a victory lap around the living room. A victory lap she would never complete.

Lola, sensing a snack was roaming freely through her territory, stopped my niece dead in her tracks. She snatched the banana so fast, my niece was left baffled to where it went. She just kept looking at her empty hand in confused shock. She looked at her other hand at one point, as if it might have magically went to the other side without her knowledge. Minions are cute, but it takes them a moment to realize they’ve been robbed.

Within seconds, my brother starts after Lola to get the banana back. He doesn’t know exactly which human food Lola can safely consume, but he knows it’s a short list. It was best to get the banana back. Here’s the problem though, most people own dogs that have snouts. Your dog grabs a food they shouldn’t, you tap the snout, then proceed to wrangle them for the food. English Bulldogs are special. No snout, nothing the tap, nothing to hold onto. Thus, the confused Gru look on my brother’s face.

His hand just wavered in the air, trying to determine the best way to retrieve the stolen banana. I’m sitting on the sofa, alternately telling Lola to drop the banana, laughing at my brother, and trying not to laugh in my niece’s face as she cries. I failed. I laughed at everyone.

Lola was playing a game of got the banana and she was winning. She wouldn’t drop it for my brother and I was too busy trying not to die of laughter to actually help him. Then I noticed Lola was starting to choke on the banana, she wanted to get it down as quickly as possible so no one could take it from her. I could sense that mouth to snout CPR would be needed if I didn’t intervene. Plus, my niece was becoming traumatized watching the scene play out.

Her older sister, however – well, she’s much more like me than I think we all want to acknowledge. She was laughing at her sibling and taunting her with the snack she had in her possession.

I told Lola to drop it, and after 12 commands she promptly obeyed. I grabbed the banana off the floor, and in the garbage it went. I gave Lola a treat to soothe her wounded ego. I handed my niece a new banana because I hoped it would make up for the therapy bill from her newly developed dog phobia. My brother earned a stiff drink – we didn’t have any for him, but he earned it!

My only regret was that I didn’t have my camera going to catch it all on film. It was gold!

Louise & Lola banana cartoon


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Hawai’i style macaroni salad recipe…

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This is one of my favorite, favorite, favorite recipes from home. If you told me I could only make one dish from Hawai’i for the rest of my life, this would be it. No macaroni or potato salad on earth has ever come close to the delicious combination found in this recipe. My Auntie Cathy makes it the best, it’s no wonder my brothers and I used to travel all the way next door and beg her for food.

Now, I’ve tried to recreate Auntie Cathy’s salad using her recipe. While the ingredients are the same, it doesn’t have her love blended into it – I can taste the difference.

Hawai’i style mac salad

Ingredients
1 lb. dry elbow macaroni
1 large jar mayonnaise
6 hard-boiled eggs
9 ounces tuna fish
3 large russet potatoes
2 carrots or pre-shredded carrots
salt
pepper
paprika

Utensils Needed
Large pot for macaroni
Colander
2 large bowls
2 small bowls
Egg slicer (optional)
Peeler

Cook macaroni according to package directions. Drain and set aside to cool.
Peel potatoes and cut into small cubes. Place in water and bring to a boil. Cook until fork slides easily into potato.
Drain potatoes and run cold water over them to stop the cooking process. Set aside to cool.
Mix tuna fish and mayonnaise in small bowl until tuna is well coated. Set aside.
Cut hard-boiled eggs into small pieces. Mix eggs and mayonnaise in small bowl until eggs are well coated. Set aside.
In large bowl, mix cooled pasta with mayonnaise until pasta is liberally coated.
In another large bowl, mix cooled potatoes with mayonnaise until liberally coated.
Combine your prepared pasta, potatoes, tuna, eggs, and carrots together. Add additional mayonnaise to meet your individual preference.
Season with salt and pepper to taste.
Finish off with a light dusting of paprika for color and refrigerate for one hour before serving.

Superhero Tip: Instead of tuna fish you can substitute Spam – a Hawai’i favorite!

Second Superhero Tip: Use an old-fashioned ice cream scoop to form into individual servings and place on a decorative dish. Sprinkle each scoop with paprika. Guests can then spoon the salad easily and they’ll marvel at your culinary skills in making something so fancy.

recipe


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Poll Tuesday week 17…

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I recently read an article with a list of 23 popular  ingredients to mix in to your pancake batter. Aside from the usual fare of chocolate chips and blueberries, there were several ingredients that made my stomach churn. Corn kernels for one, followed closely by spinach.

Now, I know I’m not the healthiest person in the universe but what in blazes are people putting spinach into a pancake for?!?! Why are you eating a pancake if you refuse to just let it be in its deliciousness?!?! For one meal can you please just let your hair down and slap some syrup on your plate?!?!

How can I possibly use more ?!?!?! to convey my shock and horror?!?!  Oh, there, I did it.

Head on over to vote on which ingredient is the most unacceptable to see in your pancake – I picked the four most gruesome from the list.

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Cue embarrassment in 3…2…1…

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Autocorrect is perhaps the greatest weapon ever unleashed on mankind. One minute you’re having a pleasant conversation, and the next you are in a brawl of words with each side getting uglier and uglier. Screenshots are saved and sent around the world as each side tries to come out on top. Someone will end up on the bottom and the other ends up on top, but neither is ever a winner.

This is not one of those stories.

This story is so much worse. This is a talk-to-type story that ensures your human misery reaches the peak of the mountain before plummeting you back down to the ground as hard as it can. It’s the “I climbed Mt. Everest but gave up 2,000 feet from the top” story. It’s a story entirely caused by robots that used to be human, who now get smug satisfaction from watching the rest of us struggle.

Robot

I should have done my upgrade already.

It all started with a compliment aimed at the ever-popular Lola. On Instagram I am just the pusher of buttons, Lola is the star. It’s my job to respond to her admirers since she doesn’t have thumbs and Siri refuses to learn how to speak dog. I usually manage to do a good job of not embarrassing the brindle fur ball who calls the shots, but I was distracted for a moment and all hell broke loose.

Autocorrect fail

A brand new follower commented on Lola’s most recent headshot and I decided to thank him…

This proud British gentleman did not respond to our bizarre message. As I was hastily trying to smash an apology into my keyboard (I abandoned that talk type feature immediately!) I realized he had unfollowed us already.

Now, I don’t know how many people in the UK are familiar with American slang, but I guarantee the entire world knows that “yo momma” is an insult of the worst kind. No matter what language you speak, the moment someone’s mom is mentioned it’s goddamn go time. We fight to the death in defense of the precious ladies who pushed us into this world.

I’m sorry Sir Winston, I’m sure yo momma is amazing.

Editor’s Note: I had to recreate the moment in the photo because I deleted the offending message before realizing I had blogging gold. I’ll never, ever hit delete again!


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Queso con carne recipe that can go from appetizer to meal in minutes…

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Well, after a bit of a hiatus I’ve brought back my weekly recipe series. It used to be called Tasty Tuesday but my Tuesday Twitter Poll shoved the recipes right off the blog. Apparently that didn’t sit well with my readers – who may be as food loving as I am – so I’ve brought the recipes back. Now, for those of you who are new to this idea, I am not a chef. In fact, I hated cooking until my mid-twenties but have come to realize that I must cook if I want to survive. If only my mom would retire and move closer!

So get your apron on, all novice cooks are welcome here – it’s your time to shine!

Queso con Carne

Ingredients
1 can Hormel chili (no bean)
1 can Hormel spicy chili (no bean)
1 box cream cheese
4 cups shredded cheese (sharp cheddar goes very well with chili)
*I prefer using canned chili for simplicity but using leftover chili is a good way to avoid waste! You can also use another brand of canned chili, just make sure it isn’t heavy on liquid.

Utensils Needed
13x9x2 casserole dish

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Allow cream cheese to soften before spreading it across the bottom of the baking pan in an even layer.
Mix both cans of chili together in a bowl and spread evenly over the cream cheese.
Bake for 20 minutes.
Add the shredded cheese evenly across the top of the hot chili, and place it back in the oven until cheese is melted.

Superhero Tip: Serving this with tortilla chips makes a delicious appetizer that easily serves a large group.

Second Superhero Tip: To turn this into a meal, serve the dip with soft tortillas, lettuce, and tomatoes.

Now that’s what I call a versatile recipe!

recipe


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

Poll Tuesday week 16…

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Last week I was overwhelming outvoted in the appropriate summer bathing requirements for children. I foolishly thought parents would relish a break and after putting their kids in the pool all day, maybe they would allow a hose rinsing to replace the bubble bath.

I was wrong – and maybe a bit disgusting for even suggesting it.

Let’s see if my skills of prediction are any better this week as we decide which flavor muffin is better than all the rest and will therefore earn the tittle:

Only Acceptable Muffin In The World

Head on over to Twitter to vote now! And if you don’t have Twitter, please join us – the 21st century is calling you.

Twitter Poll Tuesday


Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: