My 2 and 4-year-old nieces recently came to visit and they stayed with me while their parents were at a hotel down the road. Lola hasn’t seen Littles since I closed my daycare almost two years ago, but I had a sneaking suspicion that things were not going to go as planned from day one. You see, my nieces are free range grazers who eat while walking. Lola, being the obviously starved for food bulldog, used this to her complete advantage.
In true Little fashion, there was an incident with a banana. It’s always a banana. You never see a kid get in trouble with an apple or an orange. Give them a banana though and watch the fuck out.
My brother, who will forever remind me of Gru in Despicable Me thanks to the banana incident, handed his youngest daughter a banana. My niece, being the minion in this fiasco, was feeling victorious that Aunt Heather wasn’t there to make her sit at the table. She raised that banana high in the air and started a victory lap around the living room. A victory lap she would never complete.
Lola, sensing a snack was roaming freely through her territory, stopped my niece dead in her tracks. She snatched the banana so fast, my niece was left baffled to where it went. She just kept looking at her empty hand in confused shock. She looked at her other hand at one point, as if it might have magically went to the other side without her knowledge. Minions are cute, but it takes them a moment to realize they’ve been robbed.
Within seconds, my brother starts after Lola to get the banana back. He doesn’t know exactly which human food Lola can safely consume, but he knows it’s a short list. It was best to get the banana back. Here’s the problem though, most people own dogs that have snouts. Your dog grabs a food they shouldn’t, you tap the snout, then proceed to wrangle them for the food. English Bulldogs are special. No snout, nothing the tap, nothing to hold onto. Thus, the confused Gru look on my brother’s face.
His hand just wavered in the air, trying to determine the best way to retrieve the stolen banana. I’m sitting on the sofa, alternately telling Lola to drop the banana, laughing at my brother, and trying not to laugh in my niece’s face as she cries. I failed. I laughed at everyone.
Lola was playing a game of got the banana and she was winning. She wouldn’t drop it for my brother and I was too busy trying not to die of laughter to actually help him. Then I noticed Lola was starting to choke on the banana, she wanted to get it down as quickly as possible so no one could take it from her. I could sense that mouth to snout CPR would be needed if I didn’t intervene. Plus, my niece was becoming traumatized watching the scene play out.
Her older sister, however – well, she’s much more like me than I think we all want to acknowledge. She was laughing at her sibling and taunting her with the snack she had in her possession.
I told Lola to drop it, and after 12 commands she promptly obeyed. I grabbed the banana off the floor, and in the garbage it went. I gave Lola a treat to soothe her wounded ego. I handed my niece a new banana because I hoped it would make up for the therapy bill from her newly developed dog phobia. My brother earned a stiff drink – we didn’t have any for him, but he earned it!
My only regret was that I didn’t have my camera going to catch it all on film. It was gold!
Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: