Category Archives: Things That Keep Me Awake At Night

All those things your brain must think about when it should be sleeping.

When pondering life, it’s best to have an audience…

26 Monday Jun 2017

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Awake at night

Since I know you all want to peek inside my mind and see how it works, I thought I’d share the random tangents my brain explores during the dark hours when the rest of you are sleeping. Except the Brits in the UK, they’re actually awake when it’s my night so they get a frequent peek into my brain as I ramble on Twitter. It’s raw and unedited brain footage – I’ve seen more than one person running in the opposite direction when my Tweets start flowing…

Except the Brits are my largest group of readers and they respond to me online, so obviously they’re only running to get a snack before they watch what happens!

So here’s a few things my brain pondered recently.

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As someone who spent her first 24 years in Hawai’i, I would like to establish a ban on that movie for anyone under the age of 10. I loved the ocean until I saw that movie. I won’t even dip a toe into the water now. Jaws is waiting and he knows the fat kids are tasty.

My Eyes

It seemed fitting to throw in a Washington State meme now that I’ve called it home for 5 years. That blinding orb in the sky should stay hidden!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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I just made a fortune online…

27 Thursday Apr 2017

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Awake at night

Last night I thought deep thoughts and almost broke my brain. Those who follow me on social media know by now that I’ve been struggling to sleep for the past few months. I’ve considered visiting my doctor and asking for some sleepy pills, but I don’t love to take medicine (especially ones that might turn me into a zombie, frightening my Lola unnecessarily) and I’m also sure it is entirely my fault that I can’t sleep. I’ve started keeping UK time for half the week in order to capitalize on the blog link ups I participate in. For all you non-bloggers, a link up is a weekly meeting place on the internet and bloggers promote the shit out of one another so we can hopefully get more readers.

It works. Hence the fact that I torture my body and brain 3 days a week, staying awake because London starts linking right at my bedtime. I briefly considered a move back to the East Coast just to give me a much smaller time lag, but Hubster thought that seemed extreme. Such a killjoy.

So, this 3 day a week party binge I go on really messes up the rest of the week in terms of falling asleep and being a normal human being. Deep thoughts start to play in my brain as I lie in bed and wonder what all my UK friends are doing online. Last night, I wondered what kind of fortunes I would write if I owned a fortune cookie company.

Fortune Cookie Sayings 4

You would have to check. You know you’d be terrified if you didn’t.

Fortune Cookie Sayings 3

Yes, except the villain. See, now you can easily identify the villains in life when they disdain your cape wearing skills. Helpful little fortune cookie, wasn’t he?!

Fortune Cookie Sayings 2

This cookie is obviously an asshole. Eat him.

Fortune Cookie Sayings 1

For those weirdos who eat the cookie before they read the fortune. You would never do that again!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much  or click to see a special collection below:

Why apples, why not plums…

26 Thursday Jan 2017

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I’m a night owl. Sure, I love a good sleep just like anyone else, but I prefer that sleeping to be done during the day. I’m not sure why I like the night so much, but I think it has a lot to do with television shows without interruptions from a delivery driver, Taco Bell lines that are short, and the blissful hours of reading a book without someone disturbing me about it being “time for dinner.”

The night people get their meals when they feel like it, they don’t need a schedule!

And never forget, the lack of traffic. While one can postulate that there is no traffic due to everything being closed, I beg to differ. Taco Bell is open until 3am. Then they reopen at 6am. That’s only a three-hour window of depression until you can be happy again. The internet is also open. Everything that isn’t at Taco Bell can be delivered to my doorstep, so I don’t really need to worry about them being closed.

Why did I tell you all this?! Well, because I got sidetracked on the night owl tangent and had to let it out or I would physically burst open. My new blog series is going to be called Things That Keep Me Awake At Night. I’ll post on this topic once a week, or once a month, it really depends on how much my brain ponders.

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Do actors who develop Alzheimer’s believe that they actually were the characters they played on the screen?

Take for example, Matt Damon. Will he one day actually believe that he lived on Mars all alone and farmed potatoes? Was he really Captain Blondebeard and the fastest man in space? Did he outsmart every U.S. intelligence official and break a lot of arms while doing it? Will Matt believe he was a mathematical genius who also robbed Las Vegas casinos? (Hey, he needed some spending money I guess.)

And most of all I wonder this, will he ask everyone if they like apples?!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click the photo below.

Why does the freezer…

14 Friday Nov 2014

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I’ve decided to start a new series called Things That Keep Me Awake At Night. I often have these random questions on why things work the way they do and no one ever knows the answer. I invariably have to turn to the internet in order to solve the riddles that only my brain seems to produce.

And everyone knows the internet is always correct…

Awake at night

Today’s question is why does the temperature in the freezer rise so much when you turn on the ice maker?

Now, I know what you’re all thinking right now. Well, duh, I get that inserting water into a freezer is going to lower the temperature since the water is warmer than the interior of the freezer. But why does the temperature swing by 20 degrees or so? I mean, that’s not even a freezer anymore, that’s soup. I had some cookie dough in there and it started to melt into a puddle.

Which is a damn shame because my cookies are the BEST in the world. Not to toot my own horn, but people demand they be shipped to them because even days after they are baked, they are still yummier than all the others in the world.

Okay, that may have been an exaggeration, but still, my cookies rock. And now they’re soupy.

Because the stupid freezer and its stupid ice maker.

I don’t know if you’ve gleaned this yet, but the series may also involve me asking questions about why shit happens without needing an actual google answer. And if you google this dilemma about the freezer and ice you will stumble around experiments seeing if hot water freezes faster than cold and yada, yada, yada…you waste 3 hours of your life reading about science when all you really wanted was non-soupy cookie dough.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much