As I watched a repeat of my favorite television show, Seinfeld, I was determined to solve its greatest mystery once and for all. It produced one of the rare plot lines that spanned multiple episodes – utilizing the ‘to be continued’ tool that induces rage amongst the viewers. I think Jerry Seinfeld himself said it best…
If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
As a Seinfeld superfan, I forgave the show for this rare lapse and tuned in the following week, hoping beyond hope to find the answer to the mystery. Nearly 26 years after the episode first aired, it remains unsolved.
What happened to the raincoats?!
Jerry’s father Morty invented a belt-less trench coat which he dubbed The Executive. They didn’t sell and Morty decided to hang onto boxes of them in the hopes that the trend would catch on. Thanks to the hipster doofus of the show, Kramer, the raincoats get another chance to make their fashion debut. After several decades transferring between New York and Florida garages, tossing about the insides of airplane cargo holds, and the unceremonious dumping on dirty conveyor belts, the raincoats arrive in modern day Seinfeld time – where they’ll hopefully find loving homes.
Unfortunately, the store owner pulled out of the historic raincoat deal at the last moment.
Never would I get official closure on what happened to the poor raincoats. Instead, I find myself wide awake at three in the morning, wondering where the coats went. Are they in Florida? Did they stay in New York with Jerry? Was Morty so frustrated with the entire event that he finally just left them on the sidewalk for the garbage man to pick up?
My brain does not appreciate the itch it can’t scratch!
Luckily, I have a large imagination and I put it to the test for the rest of you in the hopes that you’ll find sleep tonight.
Upon leaving the store, Morty decided that he had given up enough of his life to selling these unfortunate raincoats. Desperate not to fail, he instead handed the torch to Kramer, his raincoat protege. Happy with the knowledge that the raincoats would find good homes, Morty returned home to Florida with his wife, who was thrilled to never have to deal with the raincoats again. She could finally pull her car into the garage! Kramer, invigorated by the raincoat quest, went store to store in an attempt to sell the raincoats. As the rejections piled up, Kramer became disillusioned with the coats and the vintage fashion industry. His last chance at redemption came from the J. Peterman offices. The raincoats are purchased by the company and immediately dubbed The City Slicker. Elaine, a reluctant friend and sometimes co-worker to Kramer, is then tasked with writing the catalog description for the raincoats. Instead, she quits her job and moves to North Dakota where she assumes a new identity – Ms. Putty.
Raincoat mystery solved.
For my fellow Seinfeld super fans – I am well aware the show references Jerry needing to box up the raincoats and send them down to Florida. I maintain that this was just a throwaway comment since Jerry’s father could have easily brought the boxes to the airport and flown home with them. The fact that Morty did not do that leads me to believe that the raincoats met a different fate.
Shank You Very Much 