Do you ever watch the movie Speed and then have an uncontrollable desire to hijack a bus and drive it like a maniac? No? Just me then, I guess. I made the mistake of watching Speed today, and when I say mistake, I mean that I’m tempted almost beyond reason to steal a city bus and go…
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You too could be a person of the night…
Today I woke up at 11am. Now, I know what you’re all thinking – I’m the luckiest person in the world. And you’re correct in thinking that. Except, I was so flustered that it took me an hour to figure out what to eat. I mean, it’s 11am already! It’s well past breakfast, but seems a…
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Well, I didn’t see this coming…
Lola and I have been studying the neighbors’ activities for the past week. Thanks to the 10 season spree we went on with Criminal Minds, we are both convinced there is a psycho killer in our midst and the only way to flush them out is to profile all of them. I’ve been monitoring when…
Read MoreI will be a better…
New Year’s Resolutions. I love listening to people say they are going to lose weight, become a healthier person through exercise and eating, show more kindness to their enemies….blah,blah,blah. It sounds like we all just became contestants in a beauty pageant. You know you won’t do any of that. You’ll just end up becoming grumpy…
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What was that sound…
Thanks to the loss of cable, I’ve been binge-watching TV shows on Netflix. This week the show has been Criminal Minds. For the first four seasons I was all caught up in the excitement of this hotshot team of profilers catching monsters. They were jetting around the United States, shaking hands and kissing babies. Everywhere…
Read MoreMerry Christmas, you hate your family…
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and by the end of the conversation all I could think about was shanking that bitch in her face. I mean, friend or not, you are making all of us look bad and I’m going to have to kill you so that the others don’t torture…
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Step away from the cheese…
There comes a time in every life where you have to admit defeat. Lola is admitting her defeat… At the hands of a chunk of Gouda. ………………………………… This past weekend, I was enjoying a delicious bacon cheeseburger when I happened to glance at Lola. She had a river of drool coming out the side of…
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I’m all shook up…
Since I had my appendix removed a few weeks ago, my appetite has not returned. I remembered to eat when my mother was here taking care of me because her appetite would tell her it was time to feed us. But since she left I’ve been eating one meal a day, if I remember to…
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Thankfully, the new back door isn’t glass…
Do you know what happens when a chubby, cheese-loving, English Bulldog meets a wild rabbit in the backyard? Well, I do. And man, that was a close call! Lola and I thought we were in the clear when we moved to the new house and left the psychotic, strong-armed squirrel in our old backyard. We…
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Does Your Majesty find it acceptable…
This morning I ran across a Lola Moment (TM pending) that made me chuckle. And then I remembered what a pain in the ass that moment was. For the love of god, will you take the toy already?!?! Lola has to check all her new toys for quality control. In the case of this particular toy,…
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Shank You Very Much 