New Year’s Resolutions.
I love listening to people say they are going to lose weight, become a healthier person through exercise and eating, show more kindness to their enemies….blah,blah,blah.
It sounds like we all just became contestants in a beauty pageant.
You know you won’t do any of that. You’ll just end up becoming grumpy and disappointed in yourself as a result of your numerous failings. By April you’ll be scarfing down pie in your sweatpants while you plot the downfall of your enemies.
My resolutions are amazing and I always hit my mark. Well, at least after that one disastrous year when my resolution was to not swear for an entire year. The ball dropped and to celebrate it I yelled out “Fuck yeah, this year is the shit!” So, that year was a bust on resolutions and I made it exactly 30 seconds.
Now that 2016 is looming in front of me, I’ve got approximately seven hours to figure out what I will do for next year. And I have to factor in my TV time, Netflix binges, Lola cuddles and endless amounts of picking up poop so the Lolabeast can run around the yard without needing a bath.
I don’t know about you, but it seems like my time is pretty well accounted for next year.
So now that I’ve contemplated resolutions and decided to skip them, I’m going to go stare at the TV and drool on myself.
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