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Thanks to the loss of cable, I’ve been binge-watching TV shows on Netflix. This week the show has been Criminal Minds. For the first four seasons I was all caught up in the excitement of this hotshot team of profilers catching monsters. They were jetting around the United States, shaking hands and kissing babies. Everywhere they went, a horrific monster disguised as a human was found and put in prison. I’m now currently watching season five.

Season 5 is where your paranoia starts to set in. You start to jump at noises in the middle of the night. You think there’s a murderer right outside the window. And that mailman is not just a mailman, he’s really a murderer making clothes out of your skin.

Don’t open the door to get your Amazon Prime box. It’s just a ruse.

I may need the BAU to come profile all of my neighbors. (For those of you completely out of the loop, the BAU is the Behavior Analysis Unit, they profile all the serial killers on the show.)

After watching 100 episodes, I’ve come to the conclusion that every person on this planet has the traits of a serial killer and I’d like the team to come tell me who nearest me is most likely to have a psychotic breakdown leading to a nationwide killing spree.

And let’s hope it’s not me!

Also, the Home Depot people are starting to look at me funny. Apparently, purchasing so many home security items makes them all think I live in a war zone.

Little do they know, their own neighbor is about to have a breakdown.


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