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A few days ago Lola and I suffered a personal crisis. The internet went out, leaving us without an Apple TV or Netflix to watch. No computers to putter around on. No games to play on our phone since our signal is so weak without the internet boosting it.

The horror, the horror!

So we sought out the best therapy that money can buy at 11pm… Taco Bell. Until I realized that the only Taco Bell I knew of was the one at my old house and there was no way to drive there before it closed. Sadly, after living in my new area for 2 months I still hadn’t seen another Taco Bell.

The therapy idea was really backfiring.

Lola and I load up into the car in our pajamas and give the car’s navigation a chance to redeem itself after its previous failure to find a Subway. A Subway that is on the same road as my house. No turns required and yet, she made me take three turns. Stupid non-Siri.

The car says there is a Taco Bell within 3 miles.

Well, where the hell are they hiding this thing?! I’ve driven all around a three-mile radius and never once saw my pink/purple bell of glory announcing nacho cheese sold in tiny cups.

Off we went on rural back roads that I didn’t even know existed. Luckily, I had a full tank of gas and the cell reception was good enough for 911 to get a trace location should some bandit run us off the road. Maybe.

The car GPS was hopelessly lost within minutes and while I had street names, it didn’t match up with when she told me to turn. I was on my own, in the dark, and couldn’t see street signs thanks to the trees. And we were indeed taken off the road… by a police officer.

Apparently I was weaving drunkenly.

After a few minutes of checking me for warrants the officer allowed me to continue on my spiritual journey for a cheesy waterfall and even threw in some directions. He wished me luck on finding it open that late and even tried to console me that the Jack in the Box next door would definitely be open should I find nacho cheese to be unavailable for a consultation. As if Jack in the Box provides any therapeutic cheesy goodness that late at night. But there, in the dark, a beacon of hope.

Purple and pink and awesome, the Taco Bell logo lit the night sky.

On my way home on the back road from hell, I stumbled across the police officer as he was standing next to another driver’s window. I tipped my tiny cup of nacho cheese glory at him as I rolled slowly by – he laughed so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.

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