We need to stop meeting like this…

I decided to spice things up a bit in my neighborhood last night. Apparently, quiet communities and I just cannot co-exist peacefully.

Something to think upon in my spare time.

I was innocently driving home around 10pm when I recognized the car in front of me – it was my neighbor. I was on a back road, there were no street lights, and I was a little bit lost. Naturally. So I made sure to stick close to her car to guarantee I made it home without taking the “scenic route” for 3 hours.

I had hot Taco Bell in my passenger seat, time was of the essence.

So there I am, tailing my neighbor. She turns right, I turn right. She makes a left, I make a left. She thankfully slowed down at a yellow light so that I didn’t have to floor it in order to stay with her.

Then everything changed.

My neighbor got a little punchy with the accelerator. Nothing my twin turbos couldn’t keep pace with, but it did seem unusual considering how very slow she was driving earlier. And I mean slow. I almost had to get out of the car to walk alongside just to get some exercise. So there’s my neighbor, suddenly competing in a Nascar race, hauling ass at least 10 over the speed limit in the final stretch of road to our houses. As we make the final right hand turn, she just rolls past her driveway, which is one past mine.

Okie dokie.

Maybe it wasn’t my neighbor. Perhaps the lovely aroma of my Taco Bell had me imagining things that didn’t exist.

And then I see my neighbor pass by my driveway.

And pass by hers.

Again.

What the hell is happening here?!?!

And then her car comes back around. We live on a loop. I thought maybe she just liked to make a few passes before lining up on her driveway entrance. Or perhaps she was listening to her favorite song and hates sitting in a parked car.

Heck, I was still in my car because I was listening to a song. Macklemore, because he’s amazing.

Then the cops roll up into my driveway.

Goddammit. Can I never catch a break?! On my last trip to Taco Bell, you’ll remember I got pulled over by a police officer. I wrote about it because I tipped my nacho cheese cup to him as I passed him on my way home. And now the very next Taco Bell run ends with the police also.

So I watch in my rearview mirror as the police officer steps out of his vehicle. My jaw hits the floor. It was the same cop from the previous Taco Bell maneuver. Maybe this should be my sign.

The Bell has turned on me.

Apparently, my neighbor became frightened that she was being followed and called the cops. She wanted to make sure it was really me in the car and that the neighborhood was safe from a car stealing maniac trying to worm his way into our homes.

I assured the officer that the nachos were worth it and that on my next trip I’d get him an order, just in case.

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