I have a friend who finds the funniest, most out of control videos featuring people who I can only assume were too crude for even the people of Walmart websites. She’ll find these videos and post them up and tag friends in them.
She knows there is no way we can just “scroll past” them that way. We have to do the damn timeline review and our eyes cannot help but see the jiggling mass of a human as the video begins autoplaying.
Someone, pass me the bleach, my brain needs to be cleansed.
I’ve decided that the only way to get even with said friend is to hit below the belt. I’m going after the children. I’m going to send them a big ass box of candy; pixie stixs, nerds, sugar in a plastic baggie that resembles cocaine, because that’s basically what sugar is to little kid bodies. And I’m throwing in a few cans of Mountain Dew.
I can feel the evil radiating through my body as I write this.
She’ll never know what hit her. The box will have her kids’ names on it and she’ll just think I’m being amazing. Thankfully, she’s always about a week late on reading my posts so I have just enough time for it to get to her.
Tag me again woman, the war machine is ready.
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