Remember how a few months back I electrocuted myself by unplugging my computer and earned the nickname Sparky, thanks to the Hubster and his quick wit? Today I was hanging out at the stove, cooking some lunch, and I decided I needed more light. I reach up to the above stove switch and flip it,…
Read MoreThe frightening asshole of my future…
I love dinosaurs. Who doesn’t? They are cool to think about, running all over the earth. I mean, cool because it’s not actually happening. Let’s face it – I don’t have a gun to bring down a T-Rex so I sure as hell don’t want a live one running around on the planet. But let’s…
Read MoreThat Fed Ex guy deserves a medal…
I have terrorized the Fed Ex man so badly that all employees who deliver to my home are in fear for their lives. It all started in 2012 when we moved to WA and I opened my infant home daycare. Everyone who knows an infant, knows that nap times are sacred events that must be…
Read MoreGood luck to you…
Yesterday I wrote a blog about buying boxed foods from the UK that were made by American companies but had far fewer unpronounceable words in the ingredient list than their American counterpart. I was going to order from Amazon UK and I was swimming along fairly well. And then I hit a roadblock. You can’t…
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It looks like Amazon…
Today I decided to jazz up my online browsing because I almost died of sheer boredom. I was on Amazon and I was plain sick of seeing the same old stuff I order all the time. And then I keyed in a couple of letters and my day was magically transformed. I went to the…
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Lola is so subtle…
Today I was enjoying a little reading time while catching up on crappy daytime TV (someone please kill me now). I’m not ashamed to say I was ignoring my very rambunctious Lola as she ran around the house like she was hooked up to an IV of cocaine. I heard her barking a few times…
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That’s a win no matter how you view it….
Here comes another year. As you all know by now, I don’t believe in resolutions because people always fail and end up despising themselves for their failure. I like to start my new year off with a win instead. This year, I’ve decided my goal would be to wake up earlier than 11am every day.…
Read MoreThose wild eyes make sense…
I’ve been on vacation now for just over a week. It’s not really a vacation since I’m sitting at home but, I’m not working so that’s amazing. Here’s the only problem I have. Well, I have a couple, but we’ll talk about one of them today. Why is daytime TV so boring?! It is the…
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I don’t need that in my life…
Lola is such a drama queen. Last night I started packing up Christmas, not because I necessarily wanted to, but because I knew if it stayed out much longer I would be trying to dust tiny baby Jesus and would most likely break the little guy. And since he tried to murder Lola earlier this…
Read MoreThe Apple Genius oxymoron…
126. That was the number that redefined my life. One-hundred motherfucking twenty-six. The moment I managed to hack into encrypted data in my Apple accounts. Data I was told was unrecoverable by Apple after a two-hour support call. I find this story is best told in George Costanza’s voice, so channel him as you read…
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Shank You Very Much 