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So this weekend I watched The Boy Next Door in theaters. It was garbage. And I mean complete garbage. My friend took two phone calls during the movie and I tried not to bludgeon myself to death by making fun of the plot the whole time. Out loud. In a theater with other people.

The fact that those people never once shushed me just goes to show you how loathed that movie was by all.

***Stop reading here if you want to go watch this movie in theaters because I’m about to blow the roof off this building with a major spoiler.***

Not really. I’m sure you already know the spoiler. This movie’s plot is identical to the plot of Enough. Woman has insane man in life. Woman murders man without ever going to the police for assistance.

Movie OVER.

I will never be able to trust another J.Lo movie. Not that I thought this movie would be great but I sure as shit wasn’t expecting the same plot as Enough. And no Whoppers or Junior Mints could cover the sounds of J.Lo whimpering like a helpless lamb as a man threatened her.

Jenny from the Block would’ve shanked that dude.

And I would bet my Lola that if the roles were reversed and the man was the middle-ager and a female was the high school student, we’d have seen a whole different plot.

Sorry men, guess you are the villains in any sexual encounter, in any movie, starring J.Lo.