This weekend I went to a local casino with some friends. The place had tons of new machines and I walked around in a neon daze while music from all the machines assaulted my ears. And then I spotted it, the mecca of slot machines – The Wizard of Oz penny machine. No one was…
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Lola woke up this morning with hatred, discontent and vengeance rolling though her veins. As I got Lola out of bed I started to hear the menacing music from Star Wars and realized that this is how Darth Vader probably felt right before he crossed to the dark side. Lola was halfway down the hall…
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“Okay, what’s the best way to conquer this ball? I could do a frontal attack with a 75% success rate. The hail mary might be the way to go here though. I have no idea what a hail mary is, but I assume it means the gods of war will help me out so I…
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Because the alternative to that is just too horrifying to contemplate. If it’s not hallucinations, it must be ghosts and I am not cool with ghosts hanging out in my bedroom. I love watching Ghost Hunters, but I’ll be damned if they’re in my home. Every night when we go to bed, Lola has this…
Read MoreAbout a year ago, I was peer pressured into reading the 50 Shades of Grey series. I had held out because I loathe people telling me “you’ll love it” and then I hate it and I begin to question how we are friends. I finally read it because everyone was talking about it and I kept…
Read MoreThere’s one joke on The Big Bang Theory that I never, ever got. I have watched the episode at least 25 times and it never made any sense to me. Sheldon says to Penny in a Valentine’s Day episode ‘at least I got you to say Valentine.’ I was stumped. Jason was stumped. I polled…
Read MoreToday I saw a dude with thigh gap. Thigh. Gap. I almost got caught staring at the guy but I was able to snap my jaw closed and avert my eyes in time. I was half tempted to put one of my boxes on White Castle frozen cheeseburgers into his cart but I thought he…
Read MoreJesus, Mary, and Joseph. People put way, way too much personal stuff up on social media. Today was quite the doozy for me. I learned one person has no sexual interest in their spouse. Another friend has a leaky ass. And a third person itches in places she shouldn’t. Why the fuck do they think we…
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There’s a small possibility that I am wandering around my world with pneumonia or bronchitis. I’ve been feeling pretty beat for a few weeks but on Sunday, the coughing really started to get fun. Now with every breath I take in I am fearful that a rib bruising round of coughing will follow. I’m sucking…
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Twitter likes to play games and I stumbled upon one this week that was a hoot. A hoot and a half once I got done adding to it. The object of the game is written in hashtag, this one happened to be #ReWriteAFilmIn5Words. Do you get the point of the game? Okay, then let’s do…
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Shank You Very Much 