Dear sweet mother of God. Someone’s going to PAY for this atrocity! This morning I woke up to the whining of the Hubster. It wasn’t really whining, but since I am seven hours removed from the moment and my life has gotten more difficult since then, I have decided he must have been whining. About…
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They can’t see me…
Recently a loyal reader asked Lola how she interacts with big dogs. Apparently, this reader has a little dog that just pees and then whimpers in fear whenever a large dog is present. Lola had the answer for this tiny puddle maker. “I like to lie down immediately upon noticing a big dog in the…
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A tale of tragedy: Lola and the pink rubber ball…
Lola and I were playing a game of catch today with her favorite pink rubber ball. As I threw it, Lola was jumping about 5 feet into the air and catching the ball. It’s an impressive feat to watch, considering her very meager size of 18 inches tall. I guess when they were assigning all…
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Hubster finally made the shank list…
The Hubster. The man I married. The man I handpicked out of hundreds to tie my life to. Why does he vex me so?! It all began on a quiet day. I had a raging migraine and wanted a bag of my chips. I love those teeny tiny variety bags you get in the very…
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Careful not to roll an ankle…
Bedtime is perhaps my favorite time of day. Our bed has a very specific order to it. Hubster sleeps on the left side, Lola in the middle (lying on her side with feet pointing at Hubster) and I’m on the right. Everyone is usually happy. Until broken ribs and rolled ankles get thrown into the…
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I’m writing a cook book…
And decided to spice it up a bit. Lame pun intended. And to both of my brothers who went to culinary school, shut your laughing mouths and give me a damn hand! So, in reality I am making a book of all the recipes I have used and butchered to make them suit me. Because…
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Hashtags make me want to shank someone…
Or should I say #MakeMeWantToViolentlyShankSomeone?! If you are a hashtag aficionado, this post may not be the one for you. Or better yet, read it and maybe you’ll see how us non-hashtaggers view you. I cannot believe I just typed the word non-hashtagger. Even more shocking was the fact that my spell check thinks this…
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I added my mother to the shank list…
For totally obscure, bizarre rational reasons. Today she calls me and tells me how much she loves and misses me. Inside I start praying to baby Jesus to save me. Here’s the thing. My mom rarely calls me on a weekday. Or for no reason other than to say she loves me. There’s usually at…
Read MoreArachnophobia the sequel is playing out in my garage…
I am not a big fan of spiders. Who is?! Despite my dislike, I do appreciate that they keep the insect population down. However, I have just one question; who keeps the spider population down? We have an unattached garage that we rarely use. When I say rarely, I mean the door hasn’t been opened…
Read MoreThe scariest cat I have ever seen…
So today I am happily scrolling through Facebook and I am dreaming of my breakfast. I’m hoping a quesadilla will make an appearance when I get so scared I have to go crap my pants. There was a cat picture, but it wasn’t your normal cat picture. This was the Chuck Norris of cats (I wish I…
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Shank You Very Much 