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For totally obscure, bizarre rational reasons.

Today she calls me and tells me how much she loves and misses me.

Inside I start praying to baby Jesus to save me.

Here’s the thing. My mom rarely calls me on a weekday. Or for no reason other than to say she loves me. There’s usually at least something in her message about something. And I don’t think it’s a fucking co-inki-dink that she did so mere hours after I added her to the shank list!

I may need to assume the fetal position. She’s coming for me. She’s the lady who made the brat who came up with a blog containing a shank list.

You know she will find ways to make it hurt.

I just pray that I can hold out long enough to get the Jewish Coffee Cake recipe from her that I need for Christmas baking.

If I don’t make it, please tell my niece that I love her and that Meemaw is to be greatly feared. Respect is for dummies, it’s fear that gets the job done. And let’s pray that Meemaw has no wooden spoon when you start acting up.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much