It’s a fucking monopoly…

Dear sweet mother of God. Someone’s going to PAY for this atrocity!

This morning I woke up to the whining of the Hubster. It wasn’t really whining, but since I am seven hours removed from the moment and my life has gotten more difficult since then, I have decided he must have been whining. About the internet…again.

I try all the stupid “troubleshooting” ideas to get the modem to reboot. No go. I send a few refreshes to the modem. Nothing. I call the “tech” people at Wave Broadband. Tada. Another goddamn appointment. I need to be home from 0800-2000. For all you non-military, that’s a 12 hour motherfucking window of an appointment.

We’ve lived here for 18 months and in that 18 months they have had to come “fix” our problem 12 times. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?! Two modems, three “booster” packs to our signal added, 3 “booster” packs removed from the home, and the outlet has been replaced twice.

Nothing works.

In the meantime I decide to call my leasing office on base and find out who else provides internet on my street. No one. Not the telephone company, not another cable company, not even a satellite company. Not one bloody competitor in sight! Yet if I drive a single street over I can choose from a phone company, two satellite services, and even Comcast as an internet provider.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I sit stewing for hours, my agitation positively vibrating through the house. The doorbell finally rings and I open it to this baby “tech” who is going to magically fix it. I know I’m being age discriminatory but I frankly don’t give a damn right now! It was nap time and I had a brand new 6 week old baby who was losing his shit due to the noisy environment he was forced to try to sleep in. The two other Littles are currently experiencing a strong phase of Stranger Danger Syndrome and thought the tech was going to murder them. So this tech is off to a good start I’d have to say, without even opening his mouth.

Then he talks.

And my head fucking explodes with his answer to the problem.

“I’m going to test your signal and then unplug it and take out the battery. It’s just a hiccup, your signal to the house is fine.”

A FUCKING HICCUP?!?!?! I have to reset the fucker daily! And I already did all those stupid tricks. Fucking magicians, think we’ll fall for their shit.

Now I’m mad. I started out perturbed, eventually moving up to extremely agitated. Now I’m so angry I want to spit venom at the poor bastard who had to come out for the 13th time in 18 months.

That tech never had a chance.

I laid into him like a spider monkey stealing a banana from a goddamn tiger. It was AH-MA-ZING!!!! I now have a new modem (number #3!). And a credit. And a sincere apology that next time this happens (which I am confident it will since apparently my house eats modems) I will be seen not from 0800-2000 but from 0800-1200. (Fucking baby steps. I should be number 1 next time!)

That baby “tech” can now have confidence that all other calls for his entire career will probably be easier now that he’s had a run in with me.

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