The Hubster. The man I married. The man I handpicked out of hundreds to tie my life to.
Why does he vex me so?!
It all began on a quiet day. I had a raging migraine and wanted a bag of my chips. I love those teeny tiny variety bags you get in the very large box from Costco. Yet, as is sometimes the case when shopping at Costco, you are forced to store items in out-of-the-way places. Or in this case, slightly out of reach. Fortunately, I married a tall man. I asked the Hubster to get them down for me and he did so promptly. I imagine his haste was partly out of love, and partly out of fear of my hanger. Hubster took the gallantry further, holding the box while I rifled through and picked my ‘favorite’ bag. He then said I should rest, he would put the box back.
That brings us to the tragic events of today. I had finally finished washing the mountain of laundry that two people and a dog produce, and I was feeling a wee bit chippy.
Chippy – verb. To eat chips until you can’t fit any more chips in.
I looked up from the washing machine, determined to climb a step stool and have my snack, when I realized chaos was about to erupt in the form of a shrieking banshee.
The Hubster had struck again.
First there was the dryer to contend with – a machine almost as tall as me. Then, just above that, was the ‘low’ shelf. The ‘low’ shelf that should have contained a box of assorted chips – yet sat mysteriously empty. As my eyes scanned even higher, I took note of something shiny. On the highest shelf in our entire house. A full eight feet up in the air.
The chip box.
You know that douchecanoe had to get out the big step stool just to put it up that high! Why couldn’t Hubster put it on the low shelf (where it was) and where I had a chance at getting them down by myself?! Why couldn’t the universe just let me have a single moment of happiness on this day?!
Some of you may be wondering why I don’t just wait until he gets home to have Chipfest 2013. Normally I could wait. I would obviously be cranky, but able to manage it with other snacks until Hubster came home from work. However, the Navy has screwed me over… the Hubster is on duty.
Why am I so vexed by Hubster and the Navy?!?!?!
I’m adding the Navy to the shank list also. They played a very critical role in this debacle.
Now the only option left open to me is to become Spiderman to get to the chip box or buy a whole new huge box of tiny chips at Costco! Either option would take considerable effort on my part to accomplish – and both were likely to lead to the death of myself or others.
Blast and damn! Fat kids do not take lightly to food disappointments!!!!
Here’s a lovely picture of Lola to brighten the mood. I feel a tiny bit better.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: