Lola decided to have an exciting weekend full of fun, laughter, puppy snorts and…an ultrasound?! Saturday night, at our bedtime potty, Lola started peeing blood. I hit the panic button hard. I scooped up The Squisher and made a dash for the door at midnight. As I drove to the emergency animal hospital my brain began…
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I am very fucking scared. I have been lamenting the lack of traffic to my blog and according to every single blogger on the planet, you MUST have Twitter to make a difference. Even The Hubster, my anti-social, hates all people of the world companion, has stated I need to tweet to my Twitterers to…
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Today I was added to the shank list. Not my own, I’m not crazy. Ok, maybe I’m a tad bit crazy – but I’m not adding myself to my own shank list! Lola added me to her shank list. That’s right! A bulldog managed to secure a crayon and a piece of paper and used…
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Today I plotted how to get my hands on a statue. Not just any statue. A Lola statue. Before any of you begin to google, I need to clarify this statement. I want an exact life-size replica in full color of my dear Lola. And not just in one pose. I want various statues depicting her in…
Read MoreSo tonight I have some grand plans. I have some salmon in my freezer and a load of dirty dishes in my sink. I figure I’ll kill two birds with one stone and cook the salmon in the dishwasher while I clean my plates. ARE YOU SHANKING ME?!?!?! This is really happening somewhere?!?! And there…
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Lola was abandoned and suffered untold amounts of torture and emotional distress. No amount of money can compensate for it. However, to make the humans feel better she is requesting one case of Spam, low sodium, and two boxes of Twinkies. Lola has decided to create a stockpile for future traumas. Long story short, the Hubster…
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I was thinking it would be great to decorate my house for Christmas. Not the inside, I already do that. Sometimes. In all reality I should tell you that my tree is small and in an ornate planter, sitting as a statement piece in my guest bedroom year round. At Christmas I just put it on…
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Today I was online, reading Wikipedia as per usual. I was enjoying the Seinfeld television show write-up when I stumbled across blue clicky links. These blue links led to more blue clicky links, that lead to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. Just like that, my reading adventure had begun! After reading about four or five…
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There’s a very real possibility that this blog is going to end friendships. On the one hand, that’s good since I probably don’t want to be friends with a humorless stick up the butt anyways. But it’s bad since those people will be tripping me as I walk by. I better put on my knee…
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Lola: Mommybeast, can I ask you a question? Me: Well, considering your face is two inches from mine….I guess you can. Lola: Did I brush my teeth? Me: Jeez, I should start napping in the bed, this couch puts me at puppy breath level. No, you did not brush your teeth. Lola: Don’t you think…
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Shank You Very Much 