Today I was online, reading Wikipedia as per usual. I was enjoying the Seinfeld television show write-up when I stumbled across blue clicky links. These blue links led to more blue clicky links, that lead to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon.
Just like that, my reading adventure had begun!
After reading about four or five different cults, I realized that I could follow a basic formula and start my own cult. We would eat cake all day and pet English Bulldogs until our hands went numb.
As with all businesses, you need a solid plan.
First of all, I need to get a catchy name and/or phrase going. I’ve pretty much already established the word shank for people worldwide. Seriously, I’ve got a friend in Japan using it. We could be The Shank Redemption! It’s catchy, obviously since there is a movie almost identical to the name. We could use it to recruit people who think they’ll be in a movie remake. While the cult would never actually shank people, it would lead to philosophical pondering on how the name came to be, and its deeper meaning.
I’m going to make an awesome cult leader.
Hey, don’t blame me – my parents always said if you’re not the leader, you’re the follower. I also don’t want to drink the koolaid, I want to be the one with all the money. Leader, I must be.
Then comes step two. I need to start recruiting people to follow me. And listen to what I say. And nod their head in agreement. Or just ponder what I am saying….you are already doing that, aren’t you?!?!?!
Welcome, my dear follower. Would you like a chocolate cupcake?!
The third and final step is to get financial backing. Consider that done. I just happened to receive an invite to get paid for blogging by allowing advertising on my site.
I am not actually starting a cult. Feel free to still follow me, just don’t expect me to share my cake.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: