Today I plotted how to get my hands on a statue. Not just any statue. A Lola statue.
Before any of you begin to google, I need to clarify this statement. I want an exact life-size replica in full color of my dear Lola. And not just in one pose. I want various statues depicting her in her finest moments.
You’re wondering how this topic even comes up.
Lola and I were discussing how fun it would be to have a collection of plaster puppies. Since cloning is expensive, we realized that plaster may be the only way to recreate some of the awesomeness that is Lola. We began to name off the various poses we would like and where we could stage them for proper viewing.
After she dies.
My morbid puppy wants to ensure we never have another pet once she is gone.
First, we must start with the Curled Up in Chair statue. This statue will lie in her chair to ensure no butt ever touches the surface of Lola’s chair ever again.
The Jump to Daddybeast’s Face statue will be positioned on a pedestal to get it to the exact jumping height of Lola. No other dog shall ever be allowed to jump up into his face and land a direct hit with their tongue.
Lying Down Doggie will be placed in the bed, between myself and Daddybeast. It will take up 70% of the space in the bed – just like our Lola does. Lola and I even contemplated how best to get the statue leg to kick her Daddybeast just like she does each night – anyone who is trained in robotics is invited to our weekly meeting.
Groundhog Butt Run is a move she developed while in Pennsylvania. Lola squats and waddles when she is super excited to see someone. Much like the groundhogs in PA. This statue will be placed near the front walkway to greet new visitors to the home.
And then came the finale. The masterpiece if you will. The Squatting Dog to place in the backyard. This statue will mimic Lola’s pooping stance and is intended to be a deterrent to wild cat packs and rogue squirrels with mayhem on their minds.
I mentioned to Lola that there are no wild cat packs roaming around and before she turned to walk away she said, “And you’re very welcome for that, Mommybeast.”
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: