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Today I was plotting how to get my hands on a statue. Not just any statue. A Lola statue.

Before any of you begin to google, I need to clarify this statement. I want an exact life-size replica in full color of my dear Lola. And not just in one pose. I want various statues depicting her in her finest moments.

So Lola and I are discussing how fun it will be to have a collection of her and we begin to name off the various poses we would like and where we will stage them.

After she dies.

I know, my morbid puppy wants to ensure we NEVER have another pet once she is gone.

Of course, we must start with the Curled Up in Chair statue. This statue will lie in her chair to ensure no ass ever graces it again.

The Jump to Daddybeast’s Face statue will be positioned on a pedestal to get it to the exact jumping height of Lola.

Lying Down Doggie will of course be placed in the bed, between myself and Jason, and will take up 70% of the space. Just like in real life. Lola and I even contemplated how best to get the statue leg to kick her Daddybeast just like she does in real life.

Groundhog Butt Run is a move she developed while in Pennsylvania. Lola squats and waddles when she is super excited to see someone. Much like the groundhogs in PA.

And then came the finale. The masterpiece if you will. The Squatting Dog to place in the backyard. This statue will mimic Lola’s pooping stance and is intended to be a deterrent to wild cat packs and rogue squirrels with mayhem on their minds.

I mentioned to Lola that there are no wild cat packs roaming around and before she turned to walk away she said “And you’re very welcome for that, Mommybeast.”

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: