I know, I know, I know. I never, ever delve into topics like this. They’re slightly boring, open to personal interpretation, and frankly I have better things to do with my time. However, I feel like Amy is only gaining traction and I cannot stand the thought of a humorless hag taking over my screens…
Read MoreWe need to stop meeting like this…
I decided to spice things up a bit in my neighborhood last night. Apparently, quiet communities and I just cannot co-exist peacefully. Something to think upon in my spare time. I was innocently driving home around 10pm when I recognized the car in front of me – it was my neighbor. I was on a…
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The best therapy money can buy…
A few days ago Lola and I suffered a personal crisis. The internet went out, leaving us without an Apple TV or Netflix to watch. No computers to putter around on. No games to play on our phone since our signal is so weak without the internet boosting it. The horror, the horror! So we…
Read MoreI’ll bring the quarters…
Do you ever watch the movie Speed and then have an uncontrollable desire to hijack a bus and drive it like a maniac? No? Just me then, I guess. I made the mistake of watching Speed today, and when I say mistake, I mean that I’m tempted almost beyond reason to steal a city bus and go…
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You too could be a person of the night…
Today I woke up at 11am. Now, I know what you’re all thinking – I’m the luckiest person in the world. And you’re correct in thinking that. Except, I was so flustered that it took me an hour to figure out what to eat. I mean, it’s 11am already! It’s well past breakfast, but seems a…
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Well, I didn’t see this coming…
Lola and I have been studying the neighbors’ activities for the past week. Thanks to the 10 season spree we went on with Criminal Minds, we are both convinced there is a psycho killer in our midst and the only way to flush them out is to profile all of them. I’ve been monitoring when…
Read MoreI will be a better…
New Year’s Resolutions. I love listening to people say they are going to lose weight, become a healthier person through exercise and eating, show more kindness to their enemies….blah,blah,blah. It sounds like we all just became contestants in a beauty pageant. You know you won’t do any of that. You’ll just end up becoming grumpy…
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What was that sound…
Thanks to the loss of cable, I’ve been binge-watching TV shows on Netflix. This week the show has been Criminal Minds. For the first four seasons I was all caught up in the excitement of this hotshot team of profilers catching monsters. They were jetting around the United States, shaking hands and kissing babies. Everywhere…
Read MoreMerry Christmas, you hate your family…
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and by the end of the conversation all I could think about was shanking that bitch in her face. I mean, friend or not, you are making all of us look bad and I’m going to have to kill you so that the others don’t torture…
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Step away from the cheese…
There comes a time in every life where you have to admit defeat. Lola is admitting her defeat… At the hands of a chunk of Gouda. ………………………………… This past weekend, I was enjoying a delicious bacon cheeseburger when I happened to glance at Lola. She had a river of drool coming out the side of…
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Shank You Very Much 