No one ever believes me when I tell them this. Let me give you a recent example of the infantile Lola. I’m on the phone with a dear friend of mine, Lola is napping happily on the floor. After about 15 minutes I realize the snoring has stopped. I look around, there is no Lola in…
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Tonight I am having an adult sleepover. It was very weird to write adult and sleepover in the same sentence. And let’s get our heads out of the sewers and keep it rated G people!! We will be pigging out on junk food, watching scary movies that have sharks in it, and then attempting to sleep…
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Don’t call the authorities yet! I’ll start at the beginning. I went to Target and found the newest member of my family. It was the most adorable English bulldog that wasn’t Lola. I brought her home and immediately plunked her down in front of Lola. Lola was less than impressed. I decided to let Lola name…
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Yesterday I sat down and started actively putting my thoughts together into a book. I’m officially three pages in and I am exhausted. I’m pretty sure that none of the three pages are actually about what I want my book to be about. There’s a small possibility that I just let every thought in my…
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Yesterday was my official one year anniversary of this blog. When I started my blog I had some pretty lofty goals. I wanted people to use the word shank in everyday life. I hoped people would love Twinkies more. And Lola wanted to show the world her crazy. I hit all those goals!! I even…
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And not just in a metaphorical sense. I was walking around cleaning up after the world’s longest day with a Little who screamed the house down. I was so tired and mentally out of it that my normal instincts were dulled. I missed the world’s biggest spider hanging out on my dining room floor. I’m…
Read MoreThe other day I found a new blog and it was so hysterical. The person was similar to myself in that she loved Seinfeld and sarcasm wasn’t a mood, it was a lifestyle. There was just one problem. Her entire website was laid out in center format. I mean, how can I read a blog…
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And she is currently kicking the shit out of my fat kid side. On Saturday I was laid low with the plague of all fat kids. Vomit. Now, any true fat kid will tell you that vomiting is the worst, absolute worst, thing that can happen to you, in your life. Food is our friend. How dare…
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I recently taught Lola a new game to play. Since she has spent the past three years shadowing me, I decided to make it interesting. I mean, there’s only so much potty monitoring you can handle before you start closing the door on your fur baby. The game started with me walking into a room and yelling…
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Someone is going to get shanked in the throat very soon. I don’t know who, or when, or even why. You’ve been warned. Feed me some cookies or cake and I may let you live. Or better yet, send me some Spam, I’m desperate to try the Chorizo flavor. Damn thing is hard to find…
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Shank You Very Much 