Tag Archives: Life

When pondering life, it’s best to have an audience…

26 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by in Things That Keep Me Awake At Night

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Awake at night

Since I know you all want to peek inside my mind and see how it works, I thought I’d share the random tangents my brain explores during the dark hours when the rest of you are sleeping. Except the Brits in the UK, they’re actually awake when it’s my night so they get a frequent peek into my brain as I ramble on Twitter. It’s raw and unedited brain footage – I’ve seen more than one person running in the opposite direction when my Tweets start flowing…

Except the Brits are my largest group of readers and they respond to me online, so obviously they’re only running to get a snack before they watch what happens!

So here’s a few things my brain pondered recently.

IMG_7372

As someone who spent her first 24 years in Hawai’i, I would like to establish a ban on that movie for anyone under the age of 10. I loved the ocean until I saw that movie. I won’t even dip a toe into the water now. Jaws is waiting and he knows the fat kids are tasty.

My Eyes

It seemed fitting to throw in a Washington State meme now that I’ve called it home for 5 years. That blinding orb in the sky should stay hidden!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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Someone hand me a sharp stick…

12 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by in Heatherisms

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It’s time for another Heatherism. This little gem of advice came about during a mental sparring match on Facebook. A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless*, was posting about the lovely weather we’ve been having here in the Pacific Northwest recently. I say lovely, but that’s a relative term. The weather was lovely to her while I wanted the cold, wet, gloomy days of winter to remain for at least another month, or 12.

Without further adieu, I give you Heatherism #35!

Heatherism #35

*Her name is April. Hey, I said she would remain nameless – I never said for how long!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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Get the experience you paid for…

07 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by in Are You Shanking Me?!

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I’ve been cleaning up my blog to provide a better reader experience…

typing that first sentence made me feel like a hipster doofus.

It’s possible I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest for too long because I now think everything is an “experience” and not just something to kill time with because you’re bored and the cable went out, leaving you with this blog as your last desperate attempt at entertainment.

You know what? Challenge accepted! Welcome to the Thunder Dome, I’ll provide you with some laughter and hopefully the cable will come back on momentarily.

Seriously, momentarily. I’ve only got this little meme and you’ll be done reading it in 10 seconds.

PicMonkey Collage-11

Well, that was it. If your cable hasn’t been fixed yet, you can always stare at a wall.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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Poll Tuesday week 12…

30 Tuesday May 2017

Posted by in Twitter Poll Tuesday Series

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Wow! I have stuck with a blog series for 12 weeks! Someone get me a trophy!

Twitter Poll Tuesday

This week’s poll is exciting. Okay, in all fairness it’s probably not that exciting, but I am hoping to get some insight into how the minds of my people work. You can tell a lot from social media.

So, head on over to Twitter, vote in the poll, and maybe leave a comment so I have someone to talk to this week!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

When confidence turns into conceitedness…

29 Monday May 2017

Posted by in My Poor Friends and Family

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Post never ends

Well, I lost hours of my life – and a few million brain cells – singing this song to myself. It is a children’s song that was created by a diabolical monster who wanted to punish every single parent on the face of the planet. For some reason, it popped into my head and hasn’t stopped since. Apparently since I don’t have my own children, the child living in my brain has decided to torture the adult in my brain until one of them dies.

I am very worried.

Coincidentally, I am adding a new page to my blog where I give thanks to all the people who said I was awesome and then promoted me on their own websites. It will be the post that never ends since I plan on becoming more and more famous and having more and more and more people write that I’m awesome until the entire internet is filled with every page talking about the awesome sauce that my blog is made up of.

The base of that awesome sauce is probably Taco Bell cheese!

Go check out my new page! If you’re on my mobile site you need to click the menu button in the top left corner. If you’re on the desktop site it will be located just above the giant picture of me and Lola at the top of each page. Don’t get distracted by our good looks, check out the page! People are raving about me and I need you to see it.

Village Raise Blogger

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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Poll Tuesday week 11…

23 Tuesday May 2017

Posted by in Twitter Poll Tuesday Series

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Another week, another poll on Twitter. Still recovering from the nightmare inducing tie, I’ve decided to ask a very simple question. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Head on over to Twitter to vote and if you choose option D you are officially dead to me. You must stop reading my blog for the rest of your life.

Just kidding, but you are messed up and may need a tongue transplant.

Twitter Poll Tuesday

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

4 simple lines nearly ruined my self-esteem…

22 Monday May 2017

Posted by in Are You Shanking Me?!

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GOOD MORNING!

Sorry, I felt compelled to yell that at you because it’s just about 5am as I write and I haven’t been to bed yet – I’m getting a bit punchy. It’s my big blog link up night so I usually only catch a cat nap from 6am – 11am. I basically party with the Brits all night and call it work. Lola loves Sunday nights because she sleeps with the Daddybeast and then wakes up, eats, and falls right back to sleep with me.

It’s good to be a Lola.

Now, I’m going to make this post short and sweet. I’ve been doing some improvements to the blog and those of you reading from a computer or tablet should see a vast improvement. (Phone people, don’t get offended, you’ve been enjoying all these changes since day one.) I’ve changed fonts, a feat that was easy…until I realized my page was sized for a skinnier font and now everything was garbled. This resulted in a very tiny new font, but I knew it could be perfect with a few tweaks.

I will find them

Two hours later, I learned how to change the CSS to accommodate the new font and the new size for easier reading. If you don’t know what CSS stands for you are already winning at life. I want to punch myself silly because “they” tell me it’s easy to learn but I still don’t believe “them.” I passed fucking calculus but four simple lines of code nearly ruined my self-esteem and caused the downfall of mankind.

So, go and marvel at the wonder that is my new font style and size, it’s never going to change again.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

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I don’t want to age gracefully…

15 Monday May 2017

Posted by in My Poor Friends and Family

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Today I turn 34. Now, some of you may find the prospect of aging to be scary, but I don’t. I find myself eagerly awaiting old age and all its glorious benefits. In case you are depressed about your own aging, here’s a list of a few things I’m looking forward to.

I could say whatever was on my mind and people would chalk it up to my being senile. Think about that for just a moment! I could finally tell people what I think about their haircuts and clothing choices without risk of being throat punched. Because throat punching a crazy old lady is wrong and most people in society realize that.

I could drool on myself as I binge on Netflix. I would just watch and chew, watch and chew, watch and chew. Drool would be on my shirt and I could blissfully ignore it because I was born in the 1900s and who are you to judge me?!

The best perk of aging is definitely going to be the milkshakes. I plan on requesting milkshakes at every meal and when someone tells me to be healthy, I will snap back that I’ve made it this far and give me a damn shake.

It’s going to be so exciting! And to ensure I don’t feel a moment’s hesitation over my new age, I went to Taco Bell at the stroke of midnight and made sure my first older lady meal was the nacho cheesy goodness that always make me happy.

Aging

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

So you’re a perfect parent…

14 Sunday May 2017

Posted by in Are You Shanking Me?!

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Recently I was challenged by another blogger to pick a group of “internet people” to obliterate on my blog. The goal was to offend them to the point that I went viral. I considered for a moment that there are so many groups of people who have it coming to them. The people who use terrible grammar and ridiculous spelling – because words are hard. Or the people who hate animal photos on Facebook. (You are the worst!)

Then I got to thinking about these degenerates and what would happen if I went on a verbal rampage against them and I obviously said no. Not because I’m a good person – I think that shipped sail when I laughed at the little kids falling down in daycare – but because I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of heat.  My social media would get hacked, my blog would crash, and all those skeletons in my closet would spill out.

And it is really hard to shove those skeletons back in!

I decided to put together a few words that convey my thoughts and feelings on those Judgey McJudgersons who can do no wrong on the parenting front. Since this was what made my blogger friend want to rage against the machine, I decided to fight her battle while she cleaned up macaroni and cheese from the floor and wept softly.

To all those parents who are perfect (Yes, yes, yes, I see you are only feeding your kid organic, filtered air and the purest of coconut water – you are indeed amazing and all other parents suck. Please tell me again on Facebook…) I will leave you with these words:

Perfect Parents

I’m not a parent, but feel free to judge my parenting skills all you want. I’m positive you’ll find something to critique, like that time I held my dolly wrong and that’s why I suck as an adult. Or that one time I put a blanket over my Barbie and she died!

Since it is Mother’s Day here in the US, I wanted to leave you with a gentle reminder in case you decide the gifts you receive from your children this year are not good enough and retaliation is in order. (Mostly because I’m 33- until tomorrow- and I don’t think my mother is going to appreciate the macaroni art I did for her this year.)

Got you good, fucker!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below:

I broke my Twitter followers…

12 Friday May 2017

Posted by in My Poor Friends and Family

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Well, it’s finally happened – I drove my Twitter followers crazy. They spent this week bumping into walls and getting nowhere and it’s all my fault. If this were a human experiment on the effects of psychological stress on the collective psyche, I’d say we’ve reached the point where my polls are doing maximum damage. Not only did I get significantly fewer votes this week, despite the intriguing question posed, but we had a tie. Not just a tie, two ties. You see, there were 4 choices and two of them tied each other and the two remaining also tied each other, just with fewer votes than the winning pair.

Now, I’d like to mobilize my placebo group (that would be you!) and have the poll run here since Twitter gave me such perplexing results. If this poll doesn’t work out I may have to make next week’s poll less brain aneurysm inducing…like asking what your favorite color is and only listing two choices. I don’t know, it might be too late for that.

I’m so sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have unleashed my curious brain on the rest of you but the internet gave me a place to do it. If we’re being fair, I think we can blame this solely on twitter…and cake. Cake made me do it!

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much  or click to see a special collection below: