We all have that one friend, the person who cannot stand a sappy feel good movie with a weak plot and sad characters. I am that friend. I like almost no “traditional” Christmas movies. A Christmas Story was shunned even when I was a child, that little boy in a bunny outfit was ridiculous. Scrooge was just as obnoxious – 50 variations of the movie and all of them frustrated me with their slow plots and obvious endings. Frosty didn’t melt fast enough for my taste, and Rudolph had low self-esteem that only got better when outside forces deemed him good enough. The Peanuts movie was ridiculous – a bad plot, silly characters, no action. Even newer Christmas movies fail to excite me – Elf is too obnoxious, Polar Express is just too long, the Grinch turns nice, and Bad Santa is just bad.
Someone get me something better!
So here’s a list of movies to enjoy if you are like me and want something more from your Christmas movies. May your Christmas be cheery and full of explosions!
1. Die Hard
Classic action movie with swearing and explosions…and a touch of Christmas. Any time you see “ho,ho,ho” scrawled in someone’s blood you know an exciting story is about to unfold.
2. Home Alone
What kid didn’t dream of getting the house to themselves during the miserable crush of the holidays?! Let’s face it, no matter how much you love your relatives, you also love being able to get a slice of cheese pizza to yourself.
3. Die Hard 2
Sequels are rarely as good as the original, but this one did justice to its franchise. Another Christmas, another set of explosions. Not to mention the really exciting fact that airplanes are landing on a runway full of flames. Nothing can go wrong.
4. The Santa Clause
Tim Allen makes enough jokes that this is a thoroughly enjoyable movie despite its lack of grave bodily injury and explosive devices. Santa was arrested and jailed which made it less sappy than it otherwise would have been. I should note the sequels were good, but they didn’t make the list.
5. Home Alone 2
Let’s face it, this Kevin kid just can’t stand his relatives. The universe is sending a clear message to him that he should just take a vacation alone each year. He should also be getting updates from the prison system on the whereabouts of these two criminals!
6. The Terminator
While most wouldn’t consider this a Christmas movie, I love it. There’s nothing cheerier than a robot uprising and time travel, coupled with shootouts and Ah-nold.
7. The Family Stone
Here it is everyone, the one sappy movie on my list. I let this one slip by because there are brawls, cheating partners, and people smoking marijuana.
8. Gremlins
It’s a Christmas movie / horror film. The gift that turns on you, leading to a fight for your very life. Merry Christmas.
9. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
What can go wrong, will go wrong. Poor Clark never gets to have an easy time of it. I have always dreamed of a lighting display on my house that was powerful enough to shut down an entire city.
10. Jingle All the Way
It’s the Terminator in a Christmas movie – need I say more?! He also goes full on rage monster while Christmas shopping, a feeling many of us wish we could give in to.
Shank You Very Much 