It seems that each day of lockdown starts with a new Netflix recommendation ‘they’ hope I’ll like. I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, but I can reasonably say we would not get along if ever we met. Social media, while slightly better at recommending things I like, ends up droning on until I forget everything that’s been mentioned while I gaze at pictures of tacos, and dogs riding bicycles.
Sometimes the dogs on bicycles have tacos.
I would say it’s a great time to be alive, but there is a pandemic trying to murder us all, so that seems like a stretch.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem with Netflix recommendations is not the content – it’s the silly genres that have been invented by someone who lacks imagination. That’s where I come in. Allow me to introduce to you –
The Most Awesome Netflix
Watchlist Ever Created
Top ‘Humans are the Worst’ Show
All the humans in this show really suck. Even the hippie who claims she loves tigers while making millions off their exploitation. Oh, she also probably killed her husband. (She totally did, but I had to hedge my bets in case she starts suing people for defamation.)
Top ‘What the F*ck Did I Just Watch’ Show
That is the letter O, not a zero, and now you know as much as I do. I’ve watched all the seasons multiple times, went on discussion forums, read the Wikipedia article, and still don’t know what the hell happened. I do know that I love it.
Top ‘Best Nap I Ever Had’ Show
I love this show, I really do. Let’s be honest though, it makes a great napping partner once you’ve seen all the episodes. You’re lulled to sleep while autopsies are performed and then woken up by a massive explosion, just in time to cook dinner for your family. (Seriously, how many bombs are they going to dismantle without calling the bomb squad?!)
Top ‘I’ll Be Back’ Show
Cliffhanger. Son of a biscuit, I hate myself for watching it before season 2 was available because now all I want to do is scream in frustration. You should totally make the same mistake though, misery loves company.
May Inspire You… To Murder Someone
There are multiple Ted Bundy programs available and all of them are worth a view. Just be on guard in case you find yourself picking up a notebook halfway through – he was caught, convicted, and executed. Sorry, should have called out spoiler alert.
May Inspire You… To Change Religions
Yogi. Guru. Predator.
That downward dog pose never looked entirely innocent and now I know why. I’ve converted to praying to a rock that sits in my backyard.
May Inspire You… To Build Something
It may take you 10 years and 3 million dollars, but you’ll eventually get a house built. Unfortunately, you cannot afford to furnish it.
May Inspire You… To Eat Until You Hurt
The Chef Show
Just picture this – Iron Man’s chauffeur, a rhyming chef, and a gourmet food truck that specializes in Korean-Mexican tacos. You have a little bit of drool on your face.
May Inspire You… To Get A Bigger Boat
A completely ridiculous film with A-list actors who should have known better than to get involved in this cheesy plot to drill to the center of the Earth and detonate a nuclear bomb. Huge shout out to the special effects department who must have been given a 1980s era computer to work with. I enjoyed every cheesy moment!