Our last bastion of hope…

There’s a hysterical moment in The Big Bang Theory when Howard goes to space, leaving a computer with his mother so they can video chat. She refuses to turn on the computer due to her fears over becoming infected with a computer virus – cue the laughter. The line has stuck with me every time I see an older person stare at technology with a glint of suspicion in their eyes.

Never did I think to see this television plot play out in real life.

Yet here we are. People are physically attacking cell phone towers over fears that the 5G network is transmitting coronavirus to humans. Let me just reiterate that for those of you whose jaws just hit the floor. There are people in this world who think the new virus pandemic is being spread through cell phone signal. 

I wish I could comfort you with the knowledge that these people were already known for wearing tin foil hats.

Today, I watched as a perfectly rational, well-educated friend shared a local news story about this vandalism trend, which has (so far!) only played out in China and the UK. This friend remarked that she’s not surprised to learn the cellular signals cause the coronavirus because it explains the speed with which it is spreading. Never mind the global community we live in where traveling to a foreign country is easier than ever, making viral disease spread with the same effortlessness. Utter poppycock, apparently.

Obviously the medical community has been lying to us all in an effort to…

I can’t even think of a statement outlandish enough to complete that absurd line of thinking! Heck, just forget what the doctors are saying and start drowning your cell phones and cutting the electricity to your house. I’ve heard the microwave can cause leprosy and washing machines may give you warts. Never forget the blender boils that wiped out half of medieval Europe.

Henry VIII had a weakness for cold smoothies on a hot day.

In case you mistook my sarcasm for fact (the only hope I have left for why rational people are falling for this ridiculous theory), let me be brutally clear – cellular networks are not spreading coronavirus. The result of this absurd theory will only serve to interrupt our video streaming and social media meme battles. I have GIFs to share and I don’t need you quacks ruining my fun by bringing down the network!

It’s bad enough we can’t find cookies in the grocery store, the internet is our last bastion of hope.