Three years ago I moved into this house in WA with the Hubster and the devilishly cute Lola. There were so many closets, pantries and cabinets that I was sure there was no way to fill them all up. In fact, most of the closets and cabinets were empty once we received our household goods…
Read MoreIs it my nap time yet…
My autocorrect has been on a roll this morning. It seems to be making me speak with an Irish accent. I am wondering if Apple planned it that way to really get us in the mood for St. Patty’s Day. So today is the day everyone wears green and drinks until they puke. I’m going…
Read MoreIt’s only four cans a day…
I’ve had a migraine since Sunday. It tried very hard to destroy my life on Monday with the vision spottiness, and by Tuesday was a dull thumping over my eye. Now the migraine is just sitting there, right over my eye, annoying me to the point of Twinkies. (I’m going to ™ that phrase so…
Read MoreEither way, the universe is on my shank list…
I opened my email and found the universe knocking at my door with some advice. I received a pizza coupon and a weight loss coupon within seconds of one another. I need to scarf down a pizza and then rid myself of the muffin top it will inevitably give me. Which is a lot nicer…
Read MoreDamn you peer pressure…
About a year ago, I was peer pressured into reading the 50 Shades of Grey series. I had held out because I loathe people telling me “you’ll love it” and then I hate it and I begin to question how we are friends. I finally read it because everyone was talking about it and I kept…
Read MoreThat joke eluded me for years…
There’s one joke on The Big Bang Theory that I never, ever got. I have watched the episode at least 25 times and it never made any sense to me. Sheldon says to Penny in a Valentine’s Day episode ‘at least I got you to say Valentine.’ I was stumped. Jason was stumped. I polled…
Read MoreThigh gap is out of control…
Today I saw a dude with thigh gap. Thigh. Gap. I almost got caught staring at the guy but I was able to snap my jaw closed and avert my eyes in time. I was half tempted to put one of my boxes on White Castle frozen cheeseburgers into his cart but I thought he…
Read MoreStep away from the social media…
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. People put way, way too much personal stuff up on social media. Today was quite the doozy for me. I learned one person has no sexual interest in their spouse. Another friend has a leaky ass. And a third person itches in places she shouldn’t. Why the fuck do they think we…
Read MoreWe need new movie plots…
So this weekend I watched The Boy Next Door in theaters. It was garbage. And I mean complete garbage. My friend took two phone calls during the movie and I tried not to bludgeon myself to death by making fun of the plot the whole time. Out loud. In a theater with other people. The…
Read MoreWhen adults get cranky…
So a lady goes to work one morning and when she returns home, her house has been bulldozed. By her husband. And everything was still inside. He’s in jail and she’s homeless. Hopefully crafting something from the rubble to shank her husband with. This is why quality childcare is so important!!! This shows what happens…
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