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I’ve had a migraine since Sunday. It tried very hard to destroy my life on Monday with the vision spottiness, and by Tuesday was a dull thumping over my eye. Now the migraine is just sitting there, right over my eye, annoying me to the point of Twinkies. (I’m going to ™ that phrase so don’t get all stealy on me.)

Only I would have a migraine that hung around for days and mocked sarcastically.

So today I hit it with a nasty little trick I like to call Go Fuck Yourself. I took some Excedrin migraine (since the good stuff is off-limits while taking care of daycare children) and then I put an ice pack on my forehead and sucked down a Coke.

Not a Coke Zero. A real Coke. So now I’ve got caffeine and sugar rolling through my body.

I think my decision to give up my Coke Zero addiction is the root cause of this migraine. And I know that people say if I just stay off it long enough, the migraine won’t come back.

Those people are assholes.

My brain is throbbing and no amount of sleep, medicine or relaxation has made it better. I’m going to feed it caffeine and just accept that Coke Zero is going to see its stock prices go up.

P.S. I ran out of Coke Zero in the house and I’m too lazy to go buy more and schlep it in from the car. So apparently my laziness is coming in handy to keep me from a Coke Zero addiction that would eventually ruin every relationship I have in life. 

P.P.S. I just realized I can order Coke Zero from Amazon and the guy will bring it to my doorstep for free since I’m a Prime member. If I offer him a $1 tip, do you think he’ll carry it to my fridge for me?!

P.P.P.S. I love that I’m lazy and it holds me back but that I’m also brilliant and it propels me forward once again. I may need to consider that World Dictator position I’ve long dreamed of.

P.P.P.P.S. Does anyone know what all these Ps and Ss stands for?! I have no idea what they really mean. And does anyone really know if you’re only supposed to add more Ps when you do this? Maybe I’m supposed to put P.S.P.S. over and over.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Who really cares?! I bet you just started thinking about how to correctly use P.S. and you’ve lost ten minutes of your life. I win.

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