Dear Lola,

My son recently enrolled in a bowling league through his school and I’m just beginning to learn the rules of the game. I was baffled when my son told me that the coach wants them to bowl a turkey. I thought my son was joking around, but he assured me that the term is real and it involves getting three strikes in a row. Why do they call it a turkey?


Beginner Bowler

Dear Beginner Bowler,

Historians will tell you that the expression of bowling a turkey was derived during the start of the 19th century when champions of a game were awarded a turkey. As the game grew easier through advancements in equipment and facilities, the players started coining terms for difficult feats. Interestingly enough, bowling a turkey is virtually the easiest thing you can do in the modern game.

Your son should aim to bowl a dinosaur!

Like the extinct creatures from prehistoric times, bowling a dinosaur was virtually unheard of when the game got its start. It required a bowler to score a strike with every roll and only the best of the best were able to accomplish it. Thanks to advancements in household appliances, humans now have enough free time on their hands to make bowling a dinosaur a much more likely occurrence.

Automatic dishwashers alone freed up hours of human hands each week!

I think the sport is going to have to create a whole new level of game play if they want to generate excitement for the players and the audience. That’s why I’ve come up with a new achievement for the bowling enthusiasts of the world. It embraces a common phobia and requires an extreme level of dexterity in order to get out alive.

I’m calling it ‘bowling a shark’ and it will be accompanied by menacing music.

It’s a rather simplistic play for all its nail-biting suspense. A bowling lane will be placed in a large, empty swimming pool. On each side of the lane is a sheet of glass in place of the traditional gutter. Behind each sheet of glass is a tank, each holding a hungry great white shark.

I should mention that the sheet if glass is quite thin.

Should the ball come in contact with the glass at any point during the game, the ensuing feeding frenzy will be watched by a horrified, though secretly enthralled, audience. Will the player manage to swim to safety before the shark finds him?! That’s the million dollar answer!

However, the winner does not get a million dollars.

The grand prize is a cool trophy with a shark eating a bowling ball, a free pizza with two toppings, and walking away with your life knowing the hangry shark didn’t eat you today. He may eat you in tomorrow’s game, but that’s a different story.

My diabolical mind must be stopped before something terrible happens.


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