Dear Lola,

I have two kids and they are delightful children, when they are not in the same room together. They are constantly fighting over toys, television, their bedroom, even what color the sky is on any given day. I am at my wit’s end with the fighting! Do you have any suggestions on how to stop the constant battles?


Mother of Mayhem

A cartoon rendering of Lola sitting in a bathtub with the phrase 'dispensing advice while playing with my bath duckies.'

Dear Mother of Mayhem,

I hate to hear that your wits are coming to an end – humans have fewer of those than their canine friends to begin with. I have a pretty radical solution that will solve all of your problems in a heartbeat.

Have you considered adoption?

Now don’t brush this off without giving it serious consideration. You would not only solve the problem of going deaf from the loud arguments, but you will also save a fortune on extracurricular activities, groceries, and the inevitable college tuition bill. If, after careful consideration, you decide that giving up one of your Miniature Humans for adoption is incomprehensible, then you must still have some level of tolerance for the constant squabbling. 

Your wit’s end are safe for the time being.

Now that we’ve established you can hold on for a bit longer, we’ll scrub the adoption suggestion and get to work on a real solution. I would start by sequestering your Miniature Humans at select intervals throughout the day. Like every other creature on this planet, the Mini Human can become overwhelmed by constant noise and interaction.

Especially when that noise is coming from a pestering sibling.

I myself have been known to become sensitive to the screeching tones of a Miniature Human when left in close proximity for too long. This is when I find myself lured into the bedroom by a tasty treat, and instructed to take a nap by my Mommybeast. 

Miniature Humans could probably be lured with cookies.

You did not tell me the ages of your Mini Humans, so I’ll leave you to decide what intervals of solitude are needed and how often they should occur. You can adjust this strategy as you see the results. If this isn’t successful in ceasing the majority of the squabbles, there is one more option for you to try.

Adopt a refreshing glass of sour grapes each night.

Eventually your Miniature Humans have to sleep.


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