Dear Lola – I’m all snacked out…

Dear Lola,

My children like to have their friends over after school and for the most part, I am happy to open my home to them. Recently, I have noticed the snack bill is getting very large and the kids are eating an absurd amount of food while hanging out at our house. Instead of eating one granola bar for snack, they are each eating two and sometimes three! Sharing a bag of popcorn has turned into a bag for each child. I love knowing that my kids are safe at home and having fun where I can keep an eye on them, but I cannot continue to spend this much money on snack. What would you suggest I do?

Sincerely,
Snacked Out

Dear Snacked Out,

Snacks. Arguably one of the greatest inventions of the human species. It’s not breakfast, lunch, or even dinner – which comes with the dreaded vegetables that haunt my dreams. Instead, snacks are a ‘meal’ that can be eaten at any time, in any location, and consist of practically any food item that exists on earth. Except broccoli. That ‘food’ is just disgusting and should be banished from the planet.

Serve the Miniature Humans a snack of broccoli – with no dip.

I bet that takes care of your snack problem with record speed. No Miniature Human wants to spend time at the house of broccoli. Mini Humans congregate at the home with the nicest people, or the coolest toys, or the best snacks. It seems to me that you fall into the latter category. Unfortunately, this solution may result in your Miniature Human being forced to hang out at a friend’s house once everyone agrees broccoli is not a snack. Unless you also happen to be the nicest person with the coolest toys.

There has never been a record of anyone having achieved that trifecta.

If you desire to keep the Miniature Humans coming to your house, I have one other solution. You can offer more filling snacks. I have found that, while absolutely delicious, granola bars only last in the belly for about 6 seconds. Then the belly starts to grumble and groan for another one. This is true of any small snack item that comes in a shiny foil wrapper. Delicious, but absolutely awful at filling a ravenous body. Instead, offer mini pizzas, apples with peanut butter, anything with a wedge of cheese. Cheese can leave a belly full for hours, but don’t tell my Mommybeast.

I always ask for more while giving her my starving puppy face.

So next week, instead of serving ‘snack’ foods, serve smaller versions of what you make for lunch and dinner – or even breakfast! Pancakes at 3pm is a win in any Miniature Human’s heart. I would also like to remind you that if your Mini Human is eating more due to an upcoming growth spurt, his friends of the same age will be also. This problem may just be getting started and having the other moms pitch in with food items would be helpful.

♥Lola♥

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Miniature Human 
A tiny human who has not developed the full capacity for speech or rational behavior. These beings tend to focus on crackers, cartoons and building block towers that lean precariously. They are not to be confused with squeaky toys, even though the noise they emit may sound similar.

Hominid Wrangler
Not just your ordinary adult human, this subspecies has particular attributes that allow them to survive in harsh conditions. They are tortured with sleep deprivation, starvation, and bodily injury and in some extreme cases, psychological warfare in the form of night owls. They drink a lot of sour grapes and use the television as a babysitter without giving a shit about your judgments.