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Dear Lola,

Your Mommybeast recently went on a wild social media tour, asking us to decide whether pineapple was an acceptable topping for a pizza. As the numbers started rolling in, she became, let’s use the word upset because unhinged sounds a bit harsh, and tried to turn the poll in her favor. Threats were made, seemingly in humor, and she even tried bribery as a last effort. The poll obviously didn’t end the way your Mommybeast thought it would, her readers absolutely love pineapple on pizza! There was talk of revenge and remembering this betrayal forever. Please settle this for us, I think the message will mean the most coming from you. Does pineapple belong on a pizza?

Pineapple Pete

Advice for humans. They need all the help they can get.

Dear Pineapple Pete,

I hope you appreciate what a delicate situation you have put me in. I am a devoted canine, loyal to Mommybeast even when she is acting a bit like a toddler whose favorite toy has been taken. I could never betray her, for she has not once betrayed me.

Unless you count all those vet visits.

I’ve forgiven her for those veterinarian visits though, because she is my Mommybeast. I love her enough to overlook her absolute hypocrisy in demanding I stay healthy through continued healthcare while she brazenly avoids going to the doctor until one of her internal organ ruptures. Even if I set love aside, I need the Mommybeast.

I have no thumbs to open my food bucket!

Who will ensure I am fed if I turn on the Mommybeast? Who will share their cheese with me? Daddybeast hates cheese, he won’t buy it for me! Who will give me a bath every week, and ensure I have a dinosaur swimming pool full of fresh water in the summer? Who will blow bubbles at my face while I leap with excitement? Who will gleefully rub my belly while I lie back and enjoy it?

Mommybeast is the best.

Okay, I think I’ve blathered on long enough that she’s no longer paying attention to what I’m saying – she’s just a mindless typing machine. Mommybeast is wrong. Dead wrong. Pineapple is delicious, even though I’ve never tasted it in my lifetime. I have smelled it and drooled for hours afterwards.

Something that good must taste divine on pizza!

Uh oh. Mommybeast just looked at me with side-eye. Guess she was paying attention. So, now that I’m in a bit of trouble with her, I’ll need you to show up for my feedings and scoop food into the bowl.


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Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: