Dear Lola,
First off, let me just say that you are a genius! I look forward to your column each week and I nod along with all of your ideas – especially the ones requiring subtle warfare against the other humans. Today I fear I will begin a campaign against my own fur baby – a very fat cat. How can I get my overweight kitty to drink pink milk, when all she’s ever had is the delicious fatty milk that is white?
Sincerely,
The Claws Are Out
Dear The Claws Are Out,
You have my deepest sympathy, what you are about to experience will be worse than a trip to Florida in the summertime. The humidity, my god the humidity! Your cat is going to loathe you, there’s no getting around that fact. And due to the nature of the feline species, nothing you can do will prevent the injuries you will receive at the paws of an enraged cat.
Get your bandages ready to stop the bleeding.
I would like to offer you a ray of hope, since I myself was put on a strict diet when I was just a baby bulldog and had to command my humans to please me… or else. Offer an abundance of toys to your cat overlord and hope that is enough to appease the mighty beast. Sticks with string, tiny plastic mice that rattle, a few baggies of catnip – they will be your only hope.
I would also like to take this moment to commend you on your utter devotion to your cat’s health and well-being. It takes a very strong fur parent to stare into the adorable eyes of a pet and tell them they can’t have a snack.
Meanwhile we have to watch you eat cake while watching Netflix!
You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Humans suck! Put us on a diet because we have no thumbs to see to our own meals. Meanwhile you’re snacking it up like every day is the last. I want compensation for my pain! Where is the Mommybeast?! She’s going to regret this treatment, I’m done with the diet food. I’m going to leave one last message to the cat who is about to be traumatized ‘for her own good.’
Make sure the humans feel the need to sleep with one eye open.
I’m going to go charge some toys to the Amazon account before my bedtime – it’s the least these humans can do after all my trauma.
♥Lola♥
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Haha – I am definitely sleeping with one eye open at this stage! 🤣
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The fat cats are going to team up!
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I’m happy to report that in my mommy opinion the diet is starting to work. Although I’m still scared he’s going to attempt to kill me in my sleep! #globalblogging
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Keep that eye open, cats can hold a grudge for a very long time.
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Cats always make me feel the need to sleep with one eye open. Fat or otherwise….
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I’m glad I’m not the only one a bit frightened of them!
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Lol sleeping with one eye open – love it x #GlobalBlogging
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WE had to put poor Tucker on a diet so he could get back down to his rugged and muscular 150 pound cruising weight, and I have to confess that I felt a little jealous. I wish someone would just put exactly what I need in a dish twice a day for me and that I had no access to all the stuff I wreck myself with. This business of being a free moral agent is not for the faint of heart, and I’m afraid most of us are pretty wimpy.
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I’m very wimpy! Imagine if I didn’t overeat, and I had no thumbs to get my own cookies…
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We have 2 cats but they are token dogs as they were all brought up Together with the dog. I suppose they are catpups! Cats shouldn’t drink milk btw as it makes them ill ……..and Fat! #globalblogging
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Milk makes them ill??? Those childhood cartoons have a lot to explain!
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Once again Lola, you make reading blog posts fun.
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Thank you!
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Haha, lovely. Pen x #globalblogging
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Going on a diet is never easy, a little toy treat is definitely in order. #GlobalBlogging
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When I had a cat, I did feel the need to sleep with one eye open. He loved to sleep on my face!
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I had a cat as a kid who wanted to do that. Terrifying!
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I think he was trying to smother me! 😀
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Have you recently put him on a diet???
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Haha! No, sadly, he passed away a year ago. He was actually the best cat ever!
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Awww. I’m sorry 😦
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Oh Lola, you give the best advice! Hell hath no fury like an enraged cat!
#GlobalBlogging
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Uh oh, my sister has a very heavily pregnant cat who is ready to go any minute now! I am going to insist she reads this post straight away as a reminder to be extra kind to her kitty who is no doubt hormoned up to her eyeballs and not in the best of humour (I speak from experience, not because I’m a cat but have been pregnant twice 🙂 ) Definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to take her food away from her…! #globalblogging
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That cat should definitely be getting anything in the world that she desires! The humans should be very careful.
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Thank goodness I don’t have a cat but what I’ve witnessed from my friends’ cats – they can take revenge sometimes #globalblogging
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Ha ha.. I’m sure Lola wouldn’t be impressed as I sit on the couch eating cookies that neither Lucy or Sandy are allowed.
#globalblogging
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She would climb up AND steal the cookie!
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haha, I had a feeling you were going to side with the cat on this one Lola! I don’t blame you! #GlobalBlogging
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A dog feeling sorry for a cat: jeepers Lola, what’s wrong with you!
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She has a very large heart… but then she chases them when they are in the yard!
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Good girl Lola … that’s how you do it!
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