I am having a problem with my dog and I’m hoping you can help, seeing as how you’re the same species. I am also hoping your Mommybeast will intervene if you decide to side with your own species even if I’m correct.
My dog won’t ride in the backseat of the car. When I say won’t, I mean she absolutely refuses to cooperate. She climbs onto the front passenger seat and plops down on whichever unsuspecting victim happens to be occupying the seat. No amount of ordering her to obey is working. She wants the front seat and she demands the humans accommodate her desire.
Please help me. I cannot in good conscience allow my elderly mother to ride in the backseat, so my dog can sit in the front.
Disobedient & Demanding
Dear Disobedient & Demanding,
Thank you for being wise enough to write to the expert in this area. I promise to tackle this issue with my usual frank honesty, regardless of my preferences to side with my own species. Even though the human species is finicky, changing preferences at a whim, I’m sure I can remain impartial. In fact, I know I can overlook the human tendency towards irrationality and maintain an objective viewpoint.
Your species gets to pick their preferred seat in the car.
How dare the adorable canine expect the same courtesy they see you bestow on every other family member who rides in your car. How dare the dog have the audacity to claim that front seat for her own. She has to watch human after human call out their right to the passenger seat by screaming “shotgun” and she can’t participate. Everyone knows the front seat is the best, and she wants the best.
Canines deserve the best – we lead much shorter lives than your species.
I’m not completely unreasonable. I do have a realistic solution to your problem. Have you considered making the back seat a desirable destination? A doggie delight, if you will. I have my very own hammock that keeps me firmly sheltered on my own row of seats in rear of the car. My Mommybeast has a special pillow for my bottom to rest upon. I have toys in the car that I never get to play with at any other time, ensuring I am always happy to see them. I also have my own blankie to cuddle if the ride becomes too chilly. Plus, I have car treats. Yummy snacks that I only get when I come into contact with the leather upholstery of a motor vehicle.
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A little note from the Mommybeast – I did not intervene because Lola managed to tamp down her doggy rage and give out some great advice. I will be monitoring her online usage for the next few days, just to ensure she doesn’t start a social media campaign to besmirch the human population.
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