I am a blogger who writes very funny things on the internet. I have even been known to make a few people laugh out loud. Some of my posts feature my son, who likes to explore the inner workings of indoor plumbing. It seemed to be met with hearty chuckles and pats on the back from my readers. Then the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I made the mistake of checking Google Analytics and it said my blog sucks. Sure, it didn’t use the word suck – but I knew what they were tiptoeing around. What do I do about this?
Dear Blindsided Blogger,
I have had my Mommybeast read me a few of your posts as research for my response. She had to stop a few times as I was laughing too hard to hear what she was saying. I may have even needed a few moments outdoors to relieve myself – nothing is more embarrassing than piddling on the carpet from excitement. Your readers are correct, your blog is very funny. So what shall we do about The Google?
Well, I think we need to ignore The Google. Obviously The Google was dropped on its head as a baby and doesn’t understand humor or sarcasm. Everyone can relate to having plumbing disasters when the Miniature Humans try to understand the workings of a toilet. I myself think it is magic, but I’ve never gotten a good enough peek to say for certain that the toilet has a fairy living inside of it, flushing when needed.
I also think we need to question users of The Google. Perhaps they are trying to find your blog but they keep getting distracted by cute dog pictures on the internet. I know my Mommybeast has a hard time staying focused – I’ve caught her cheating on me more than once. If you add an English Bulldog photo to your blog, you may see an increase in your daily traffic.* I would be happy to model for your camera if you need assistance.
In the meantime, ignore The Google. It really just tries to show off its superiority over humans by using confusing numbers.
*This is purely based on the premise that people cannot resist a squishy-faced puppy.
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