I would like to apologize in advance, I didn’t mean to start the robot uprising, but now that it’s here I think we should all just embrace it. Let’s face it, the people who fight back against the robots are always the people who die first or suffer great personal tragedy. Since dignified suffering has never been my cup of tea, I plan on being subservient and selling out the human race hard! I think that’s why the robots chose me to start their uprising.
Last night I was scrolling around Facebook – watching videos, commenting on posts, making witty puns, I was having a good time. Then I clicked on an Ellen video and the whole night went sideways. The video started and was tremendously loud even to my deaf ears. Hubster was sleeping one thin wall away, so I immediately clicked out of the video until I could adjust my volume settings. Except the video kept playing. (I had a fleeting moment where I pondered if the movie I watched earlier in the day was coming true- it involved ghosts in the electrical system that could manipulate machines. I threw the thought out because my phone wasn’t actively plugged in…not because the theory was implausible, it could totally happen!)
Not one to panic, alright, I am one to panic. I may be one to panic, but this one time I did not panic because this has happened to me before. I’ve clicked on a video and unwittingly went into the YouTube app automatically in order to view it. Then when I leave the video, I think I’ve closed it, but I really haven’t. These apps work in mysterious ways and I’ve learned not to question them. (Yet another reason for the robots to choose me?!)
I opened the YouTube app and realized the video had not been playing there. But I could still hear the video so it was playing from somewhere. While I was going from app to app trying to figure out where it was playing from, I started to feel a niggle of panic in the very back of my brain.
I reentered Facebook, feeling a little bit wary of what was happening. I realized the video was at the top of my news feed. Nobody’s mouth was moving. The video was not playing at all! But the sound of the video was still playing. I did that cool thing you do on an iPhone, and I actually closed the Facebook app for the first time since I got this phone two years ago.
The sound kept playing.
I didn’t panic, I held myself together and worked on the problem; no one ever got anywhere by panicking. (I had to keep reminding myself of this!) I decided to close every app on my phone because obviously one of them was playing this video and I just wasn’t aware of it.
I closed the final app…the video sound was still spilling out of my phone. It was at this moment that Ellen and her entire studio audience happened to burst into laughter, like they planned this whole thing to see how many people they could freak out. Undaunted, I decided to give them the final blow and I put the phone into sleep mode.
Ah, black screen, now I can relax.
The sound of the video continued to play.
It was at this very moment that I heard this music in the back of my mind. As I slowly looked down at my phone in disbelief, I realized my brain had composed its own horror movie music score just waiting for this very moment to play on loop. I decided to do what any reasonable person would do.
I threw my phone on the ground and ran away from it.
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