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I made a critical error when ordering my Girl Scout cookies this year. Each year I order cookies just after eating a large, usually pasta centric, meal. The mighty belly is satiated and I can think with the rational side of my brain when calculating just how many boxes I need to order in January to last the entire year. Because as you all know, if you run out of cookies before the year ends, those Girl Scouts are nowhere to be found and you resort to buying cookies off your friends and it ends up costing more than cocaine.

I myself have purchased a $3.50 box of cookies in January and resold them to a strung out, hangry friend in November for a cool $20. With the current cost up to $5 a box in January, shit’s going to get real if I exhaust my supply and have to buy them on the street in July.

Back to that critical error. I decided to order online this year from a an adorably curly-haired little lady who had dreams that needed fulfilling. The only way to ensure she didn’t become a resentful, bitter adult with evil in her soul, was to ensure her dreams came true as a child. I bought cookies. A lot of cookies. So many boxes of cookies. Did I mention I was also hungry when ordering?! So there I was, trying to abort an evil tyrant in the making, while viciously hungry and waiting for the Hubster to come home for dinner.

It was a terrible combination of fear and hunger that drove me to spend so much money.

Since the Hubster and I are on a strict we bought a house and now something awful will happen that costs us thousands of dollars and a kidney budget, we have to find a way to cover that cookie bill without using our emergency money. I consider a budding evil dictator in need of pacifying an emergency, the Hubster disagrees. And because murdering the Hubster is frowned upon by polite society, I have to go with my option two- find a place in the budget to pay for these cookies. So many boxes of cookies.

I’ve turned to the only section of the budget that makes sense, considering Lola’s section is already hiding my pedicures and the clothing section disguises any shopping sprees that my frugal it’s on sale! brain cannot resist (Amazon, I’m looking at you). I’m going to pay for the cookies out of our grocery section. The section that is almost always over budget thanks to my Twinkie and Coke Zero habit. Sure, it means we can’t eat meat for two months or even think about popping a shrimp in our mouth for the entire fiscal year, but it will all be worth it when we’re having Tagalongs for dinner in December…

witty-girl scout cookies


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