I had big plans for you all today. For the past several days I’ve been working on a new post about things that keep me awake at night. It was so entertaining that I’ve spent nights laughing and waking up just to jot down notes. Today was supposed to be the day I finalized my witty banter and introduced my comedic delight to the world.

That was all ruined by the ringing of a phone at 5:30 this morning. You see, I’m not the kind of person who can be awakened before I am ready. And anything before 9am is the kiss of death. I spend the day cranky, stomping around the house, wishing death to anything that moves counter to my pleasure. Hubster adorably tried to run from the bedroom with his phone to avoid waking me up, but what he failed to realize was that I was not in the bedroom. I had fallen asleep on the couch after a late night of writing, snacking, and television bingeing.

He walked right into my napping zone and woke the beast. 

The look on his face was something I’ll never forget. It was part horror, part wishing for his own death, and part “if I murder her to stop the impending rampage, would that be considered my great contribution to mankind?”

I decided to muster every ounce of compassion, kindness, benevolence, forbearance, graciousness, and humanity that I could find, and I made Hubster cinnamon buns for breakfast. There Hubster sat, slyly contemplating if the breakfast was poisoned, poking with his fork to find hidden metal shards, listening to me talk. That’s where all of the good in me died and I morphed into the beast who didn’t sleep. I didn’t want a response, I just wanted a body to listen and nod as I shared my sage thoughts. Hubster missed that subtle cue… poor bastard.

After 10 minutes trying to put out the fire he had started, Hubster decided to save himself by running out of the house as if the hounds of hell were chasing him. Thanks to Lola’s ability to read my mind and lay waste to my enemies, she was making sure Hubster got the message to not come home for a very long time.

Text box that reads "I've got 99 problems and all of them can be fixed with a nap."

If the nap fails to fix me, I’d like to apologize in advance… and warn you to get your zombie gear ready in case I move towards your direction.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much


10 replies on “The iPhone ruins lives…

  1. Oh no! You never wake a beast, I’m surprised your husband survived waking you. (Oh and I totally do the same as you, wake up and have to write what I’ve just thought in my notes so I don’t forget it!!) Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We get up early most days, especially on work days. But I hate being woken by anything other than my alarm (or my daughter I guess, if she needs me). Being woken by a phone call is very disruptive and would put me in a bad mood! You did well to even make cinnamon buns…. #BlogCrush

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ugh I get women up every morning before I’m ready by my 3 year old, it’s so hard not to be grumpy when you’re so tired. Well done for making cinamon buns for breakfast..my hubby is lucky if I even make him a cup of tea. Thanks for linking up to #BlogCrush xx

    Liked by 1 person

Tell me what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.