I had big plans for you all today. For the past several days I’ve been working on a new post about things that keep me awake at night. It was so entertaining that I’ve spent nights laughing and waking up just to jot down notes. Today was supposed to be the day I finalized my witty banter and introduced my comedic delight to the world.
That was all ruined by the ringing of a phone at 5:30 this morning. You see, I’m not the kind of person who can be awakened before I am ready. And anything before 9am is the kiss of death. I spend the day cranky, stomping around the house, wishing death to anything that moves counter to my pleasure. The Hubster adorably tried to run from the bedroom with his phone to avoid waking me up, but what he failed to realize was that I was not in the bedroom. I had fallen asleep on the couch after a late night of writing, snacking, and television bingeing.
He walked right into my napping zone and woke the beast.
The look on his face was something I’ll never forget. It was part horror, part wishing for his own death, and part “if I murder her to stop the impending rampage, would that be considered my great contribution to mankind?”
I decided to muster every ounce of compassion, kindness, benevolence, forbearance, graciousness, and humanity that I could find, and I made the Hubster cinnamon buns for breakfast. There the Hubster sat, slyly contemplating if the breakfast was poisoned, poking with his fork to find hidden metal shards, listening to me talk. That’s where all of the good in me died and I morphed into the beast who didn’t sleep. I didn’t want a response, I just wanted a body to listen and nod as I shared my sage thoughts. Hubster missed that subtle cue…poor bastard.
After 10 minutes trying to put out the fire he had started, the Hubster decided to save himself by running out of the house as if the hounds of hell were chasing him. Thanks to Lola’s ability to read my mind and lay waste to my enemies, she was making sure Hubster got the message to not come home for a very long time.
If the nap fails to fix me, I’d like to apologize in advance…and warn you to get your zombie gear ready in case I move towards your direction.
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Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: