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If you have had a wedding vow renewal you’re going to want to stop reading this post.

Stop reading right now!

Ok, the rest of you who made it to this sentence have obviously not had a vow renewal. Or you are brave and want to find out what’s going to happen to you. That’s your call, just don’t bill me for your therapy.

Why do people have vow renewals? Most people who do vow renewals end up divorced quicker than a fat kid eats a Twinkie. You’re basically inviting people to stare at you one more time in a stupid dress (that will look hideous to you in 10 years!) and eat crappy catered food that is lukewarm.

Let’s face it, unless there’s a buffet, no one is going to a wedding for the food.

Sometimes I think that vow renewals happen just so people can get gifts. I’m not kidding. I had a friend tell me she was doing a vow renewal at her 10 year anniversary in order to update her kitchen items.

What the actual fuck is happening here?!

That’s an anniversary party. Just have an anniversary party! Have it at a nice restaurant, with a bar, no vows, no renewing, and definitely no formal wear. And if there are flowers, they’d better be part of the restaurant’s decor.

Vow renewals for a long-lasting marriage:

Each morning I vow to love the lump sleeping next to me.

Each night as I crawl into bed, I vow not to smother that lump in his sleep.

Every single day that we continue breathing in the same house is a vow renewal.

I vow to try to find common TV shows to watch so Hubster doesn’t kill himself. Heck, I’ll even watch one war movie per year.

I vow to eat Chinese food when all I really want is pizza. I’m going to whine about it afterwards, but that’s just the icing on the vow.

I vow to feed Hubster soup when he’s sick. The soup may contain sleeping pills, but that vow has been renewed!

I vow to wash clothing for Hubster when he fails to plan and thinks he has run out of underwear. He didn’t, I just like to watch him worry a little bit.

I vow to never, ever make him dress up and stand in front of people to say we still love each other. Because the moment we have to do that, we probably don’t and are just in denial.


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