It has been a while since I’ve checked in to see what everyone is searching to land on my website. Since I ran out of witty things to say, I thought this would allow you readers to have a voice for one day. Here we go. I’ve added some witty retorts below each search term.

You didn’t think I really ran out of witty things to say, did you?

She sat on my face and farted on my nose

That is grounds for divorce! Seriously, Hubster said he would have punched my ovary and then taken Lola and run far away.

I’m not paranoid, I’m just not fucking stupid

Sounds a little paranoid… and intelligent. At the same time. I see your point.

Bullshit picture messages

Who are your friends, sir, that you don’t like the pictures they send to you?! My friends send me all sorts of witty pictures that cause me to spray Coke Zero out of my nose resulting in painful burning that lasts for hours. And that’s how I know they care for me.

All the way from Japan

Is this an announcement that Godzilla has finally made the swim from Tokyo?

I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking out this

Well why did you bring it up?!

Going back to jail

Back? Once wasn’t enough for you? Stop reading my blog and go find Jesus or something. I don’t think I’m an appropriate influence on you.

What are the side effects of too many skittles

Really sore teeth. And if they are the sour variety, your tongue is never going to be the same. It’s been a year since the sour ones burned me and I still have a numb section on my tongue.

Unstoppable tumor

Stop reading this blog and go see a doctor. And if you are reading this because there is nothing else the doctors can do, I’d like to help you achieve something on your bucket list.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @ShankYouHeather and @ShankYouDesigns

Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much

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