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It has been a while since I’ve checked in to see what everyone is searching to land on my website. Since I ran out of witty things to say I thought this would allow you readers to have a voice for one day. Here we go. I’ve added some witty retorts in parentheses.

You didn’t think I really ran out of witty things to say, did you?

She sat on my face and farted on my nose (That is grounds for divorce! Seriously, the Hubster said he would have punched my ovary and then taken Lola and run far away.)

I’m not paranoid, I’m just not fucking stupid (Sounds a little paranoid…and intelligent. At the same time. I see your point.)

Bullshit picture messages (Who are your friends, sir, that you don’t like the pictures they send to you?!? My friends send me all sorts of witty pictures that cause me to spray Coke Zero out of my nose resulting in painful burning that lasts for hours. And that’s how I know they care for me.)

All the way from Japan (Is this an announcement that Godzilla has finally made the swim from Tokyo?)

I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking out this (Well why did you bring it up?!)

Going back to jail (Back? Once wasn’t enough for you?! Stop reading my blog and go find Jesus or something. I don’t think I’m an appropriate influence on you.)

What are the side effects of too many skittles (Really sore teeth. And if they are the sour variety, your tongue is never going to be the same. It’s been a year since the sour ones burned me and I still have a numb section on my tongue.)

Unstoppable tumor (Stop reading this blog and go see a doctor. And if you are reading this because there is nothing else the doctors can do, I’d like to help you achieve something on your bucket list.)