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It’s that time of year again. December. The time of the year where people start dropping dead from exhaustion and overeating. Also the time of the year when an above average amount people fall off their roofs and electrocute themselves. I was this close to being one of those fools for the first time in my life.

Luckily, my fat kid personality won out.

I made my first ever wedding cake and it came out great. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner that was timed perfectly and was still warm even when unexpected guests showed up after we had finished eating. I had baked cookies. Everyone loves cookies and I love baking so it was a win all around.

The next incident can only be blamed on the high I was feeling as I achieved Martha Stewart levels of homemaking.

I decided to decorate the front of my house with Christmas lights and yard decorations. I have never, ever, decorated the outside of my house for any occasion. Ever. A wreath on the door, sure, that’s easy. But nothing else. You can read why here.

This year we are celebrating our third Christmas in Washington and we have at least one more guaranteed. But realistically, we have three more. All in the same state! At this point, it wouldn’t be a waste of money to buy outdoor decorations, use them for 4 seasons and then leave them here with a friend when we move. I would be getting my money’s worth.

So there I was at the store, looking at all the loot and loading a cart, when all of a sudden my fat kid self smelled a hot dog. Someone was walking past me and eating their Costco hotdog and I realized I wasn’t prepared to decorate. I would rather be eating a hotdog.

Delicious bastards.

So as I sat and munched on my delicious puppy in a bun, I got to thinking. If I decorated the lawn and house I would just have to take it all down, but I’d be taking it all down after eating for an entire month. Cakes, prime ribs, cookies, cheesy potatoes, you name it and I’d be eating it in December. Not to mention New Year’s Eve when I’d be stuffing my face with chinese food and watching the ball drop on TV. The BAM!

Just like that, the month would be over.

I left the store with zero decorations and the knowledge that every single year I end up with the same conclusions after spending an hour in a store staring at decorations.


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