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Poor, tiny, baby Jesus sleeping in his manger. I bet he never saw it coming. That giant, wet, bulldog mouth with a tongue the size of a dinner plate…


Lola was sniffing out the new Christmas decorations and when she was done I noticed the baby Jesus was missing from his mother’s embrace. I walked over to look for it and cannot locate it anywhere. It’s not under the shelf, it’s not hiding behind the cow that the shepherd is watching over.

It’s just gone.

I look over at Lola and she has a completely panicked look on her face. It’s not her I’m in trouble and you’re going to yell at me face. No. It’s her oh my god I can’t breathe and I’m dying face.

I immediately know that baby Jesus is trying to kill my sweet, sweet little Lola. I get my hand in her mouth and I’m just praying I can fish this murderer out of her throat before she dies.

And I got it out.

I have never wanted to punch Jesus in the face as much as I did today. I held back though. Mostly out of respect…maybe a little bit out of fear of retaliation.

I’m going to go take a nap now so I can recover from the scare.

Check out my Facebook page @ShankYouVeryMuch 

I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet

You can also find me on Instagram @shankyouheather 

Lola and I opened a store so we can hopefully cover the world in her Bulldog face, check it out at Shank You Very Much