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Anyone who truly knows me, knows one important fact about me. I absolutely loathe having to wake up any earlier than the exact amount of time it takes me to get ready – and getting ready should not take more than 20 minutes.

I love, love, love my short haircut, but it can be a real pain for someone who wants to take a night shower to get that few extra minutes of sleep time the next morning. There is nothing worse than waking up and jamming yourself into a shower while blurry-eyed.

Combined with my clumsy nature, this is a recipe for death!

This morning was spent berating myself for not having risked the morning shower. Really, it’s only 10 minutes, and there are handrails in the tub that I can grab if I start to topple – that is, if my clumsiness will grant me one coordinated moment.

After several hours of hating myself every time I pass by the mirror, I decided to call my salon. They have forever garnered my loyalty and undying devotion for solving my problems. However, they also presented me with a totally new, though completely rational, conspiracy theory.

My salon is obviously a front for the West Coast branch of the NSA.

They know everything about me! Everything! The lovely lady looked into her computer and noted all the products I have purchased and even which style of haircut I have, in addition to the type of hair I have. She proceeds to tell me which products to put in at night and which to spray in the morning so I can just brush it out.

I wonder if they have drones to deliver products as I run out of them?!

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