Lola: Mommybeast, where are you?
Me: I’m in the kitchen.
Lola: Mommybeast? Mommybeast? Mommybeast?
Me: I’m in the kitchen Lola!
Lola: Mommybeast? Mom? Mommy? Mom? Moooooooooommmmmm?
Me: I’m in the kitchen! What is your problem?!?!
Me: Looks around. Sees absolutely no puppy and begins a panicked search.
Every door is being opened, every bed could have inadvertently become a Lola prison, trapping her underneath it. Somewhere a bulldog is in desperate need for her Mommybeast. I finally make my way to the other end of the house, no longer hearing Lola who conveniently chooses to be quite when I need her most. I open the bedroom closet and out walks Lola.
Lola: You’re an asshole.
Me: How did you get in there? I don’t remember going into that closet.
Lola: You opened the door and I walked in. I thought to smell around and see if I could locate some cheese or any other tasty delights. Then everything went dark. I was so scared, and so cold, and so alone. I thought I would die in the closet while you sat on the couch watching television and eating snacks until you fell asleep. Seriously, I can’t believe you’re in charge of this operation we call my life.
Me: (muttering as I walk away) I swear to God I never opened that door…the dog is getting clever.
Lola: (aside to the squirrels out the back door) I figured out a doorknob….watch out bitches!
My theory on why Lola did not let herself back OUT of the closet: She likes to fuck with my head. She’s part cat like that.
I also tweet like a bird on Twitter @HeatherKeet
Lola and I opened a store so we can sell our funniest blog sayings on cool stuff. Check it out at Shank You Very Much or click to see a special collection below: