Dear Lola – Parents want to replace pet with lookalike…

Dear Lola,

My daughter, who is 4 years old, is staying at her grandparent’s house for a week. Unfortunately, her pet cockatoo escaped its cage and flew off and hasn’t been seen in days. My wife and I think we should just replace the bird with a lookalike, but when we told her grandmother over the phone, my mom advised us that was a terrible idea. Would it really be so terrible to protect our daughter from a devastating conversation and replace her bird?

Sincerely,

The Old Switcheroo

Dear The Old Switcheroo,

I can see it now, you place a phone call to your mother, who is likely getting a bit on in her years, only to inform her that something has gone missing and could be likely dead. As if that isn’t bad enough, you’ve also decided to lie to your Miniature Human and put something else similar into the exact same place, and never tell her what happened. Never mind the fact that the creature had a unique personality, bond, and experience with your Miniature Human – just toss something else in there and call it a day!

Grandma is probably worried you’ve got her replacement all lined up in case of her demise.

Can you see how silly it is to think you can just substitute one living thing for another? Even sillier to think that your Miniature Human won’t notice something, even the most remote difference, and call you out on it? She’ll never be able to trust her parents, or her own reality, ever again.

The therapy bills will run into the millions.

You also haven’t given any thought to the fact that while the bird has flown the coop, there is absolutely no evidence that the fowl has passed on. More likely, it is having a grand adventure. It’s probably hooked up with a lone pigeon and his squirrel friend and they’re teaching your Miniature Human’s pet how to survive the mean streets of suburban life. He may very well show up in a week or two with wild stories to tell and two extra mouths to feed. Now factor in the lookalike cockatoo replacement and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

The vet bills alone could bankrupt you.

No, in this situation I must side with your mother. Your Miniature Human is likely to be distraught over the loss of her pet, but telling her the truth is the right course of action. She can help you put up fliers in case neighbors spot her bird. You should also try contacting any bird rescue groups in your area in case it was injured and cannot make it home. Bird watching groups in your area are also a great resource, along with any tree cutting companies.

You would be surprised by how many people are looking into the trees at all times.

If the time comes, you can have a conversation about death and choose a path forward that includes your Miniature Human’s thoughts and feelings being taken into account.

♥Lola♥

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