Dear Lola,

Today is a weird question and I’d like to apologize in advance. I have spent more than one night in bed, laying wide awake, thinking about the answer to this question. I miss sleep more than I ever thought possible. Do you think we ever drink milk from the same cow?


Milk Musings

Dear Milk Musings,

I can honestly say that this is not an easy question to answer, nor do I find it overly weird. After all, you are writing in to a canine for advice and what could be more odd than that? Actually, I can think of a few more oddities that would top that list. I just know you are wondering what could be more odd than cows and their milk, but I don’t want to get off topic. Tangents can seriously sidetrack a canine for days, sometimes even weeks at a time! Like now that I said tangents I am thinking about tangerines. Those are quite refreshing on a hot day. Wait! I’ve gotten off topic. This is all your fault, kind reader, but I shall not hold it against you.

After all, you are sleep deprived and that can make anyone a bit looney.

Looney. Now that’s a fun word. Oh no, I’ve gone off topic once again. Since I received your letter over two months ago, I have spent more than a few nights thinking about the answer to this mystery. My dreams have been plagued by dancing cows that sing. Sadly for me, they have chosen jaunty show tunes that wake me up in the middle of the night as I wriggle my tail with delight.

My humans have threatened to kick me out of the bed.

Fear not, my faithful reader, for my humans are all bark and no bite. They would never banish me from their bed becuase they know I am skilled in retaliation – the kind that involves poop nuggets on beige carpets. I have deployed this method a number of times, usually when my blankets need laundering or my bowl has been empty for longer than normal.

If Liam Neeson were a canine, he would be taking notes from me!

Now, let’s move on to the epiphany that I had last night as I contemplated the enigma you presented me with. Just as I dozed off to sleep, an adorable cow named Betsy visited me. At first I thought I was still awake, but the glitter floating in the air leads me to believe I was actually dreaming. Betsy had quite a story to tell.

Cows get milked by robot hands that distribute treats upon completion.

Canines are known to run to a timed machine that throws out treats while their humans are at work. Felines have also come to view this morsel machine as a kind benefactor who knows just when the need for a snack has arrived. Obviously, cows are also a fan of technology being used to distribute a tasty tidbit or two. Now I ask you, wouldn’t you run to the robot who was dispensing tasty treats?! Before you deny this fact, remember that we canines are always watching…

I’ve seen humans chase down an ice cream truck on the street.

It stands to reason that with food as a motivator, cows are likely demanding to be milked as often as possible. I see no reason why you wouldn’t get milk from the same cow at least twice during their reign over the robots. Which leads me to a much more disturbing question that may keep me awake for another few weeks as I sort it out.

Who exactly is in charge – the robots or the cows?


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