Dear Lola – My dog is a doofus…

Dear Lola,

My dog is a complete doofus. My bathroom has a glass walk in shower with a door that goes from floor to ceiling. In order to avoid major mildew growth, the door to the shower must remain open to allow the shower to dry out, which can take several hours. Unfortunately, my doofus dog has a habit of walking into the shower during the day and then becoming stuck inside until I find him.

Stuck, you say? Does he close the door, you wonder?

This is where the doofus part of my dog’s DNA comes into play. The shower door is open the entire time! He simply can’t seem to find his way back out through the open door and instead bumps into the glass until he gives up and waits for a rescue. I found him sitting there one day when I returned home from work and I suspect he may have been trapped in there for a large portion of the day since he had not eaten or drank from his bowls in the kitchen.

What can I do to help my doofus dog escape the glass prison he seems inexplicably drawn to?

Sincerely,

Doofus Dog Dad

Dear Doofus Dog Dad,

I must admit, when I read the first sentence of your letter I nearly threw it out. Canines are magnificent creatures with an exceptionally high level of intelligence. If you don’t believe me, just think about which species is picking up the poo for the other. Thankfully, I am a rational being and I continued to read your letter, albeit in a slightly huffy tone of voice. By the end of your writing, I was forced to rethink every belief I had ever held.

I hereby proclaim your canine to be Doofus Dog™ from this day forward.

I really wanted to champion your fur baby. I even tried to rationalize the reasons why your canine could find his way into the shower but could not seem to understand how to get himself back out of his jail cell. I quickly ruled out physical ailments such as dementia because you do not mention any other situations where your canine seems confused. A problem with his eyesight is also unlikely due to his ability to get into the shower without difficulty. While I briefly entertained the idea of lighting causing an optical illusion, I had to admit it was unlikely to be the cause of this issue.

Let’s face it, lighting works no matter which side of the glass you’re on.

Thanks to my years of working in a home daycare as an aide to my Mommybeast, I am quite knowledgeable in dealing with issues of the – how shall I put this – the less astute human. While extremely crafty in a number of areas, the Miniature Human lacks the ability to thoroughly work through a problem. One of those problems is the very popular glass door, which Miniature Humans love to walk into as if they don’t exist. Much like your Doofus Dog™ does. Fortunately for you and your wallet, the solution is inexpensive and effective. Simply place stickers along the glass at regular intervals at your canine’s eye level.

This will allow Doofus Dog™ to escape the shower stall and rejoin society.

Now, I don’t want to be viewed as a traitor to my species, but I am worried that your canine will not find the stickers overly helpful. Call it a gut instinct, but any canine who cannot manage to sniff their way to a food bowl stuffed with goodies may be in need of a bit more help. They say you can lead a horse to water – well, you can sticker a canine to an escape portal but that doesn’t mean he will step through!

Block Doofus Dog’s™ bathroom access with a gate in the doorway.

This will allow you to air out the bathroom and avoid a mildew problem, while also giving your canine a bit of a break from the mental gymnastics he engages in on a daily basis. I do feel the need to warn you that removing this hurdle from the schedule may lead Doofus Dog™ to come up with a new daily shenanigan that makes this shower problem pale in comparison.

You have been warned.

♥Lola♥

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