Dear Lola,

My daughter was watching the Cinderella animated movie for the thousandth time. In a moment of extreme boredom, I decided to ask her to explain why Cinderella’s shoes did not change back when the clock struck midnight. She looked at me for a moment, then stared at the screen for a few minutes. She then slowly turned her head to me and I realized I had made a major parenting blunder. As tears filled her eyes, she said I had ruined her favorite movie. I tried to fix it by explaining possible, albeit highly improbable, reasons the shoes would have remained intact but she didn’t believe me. Lola, I need to fix this! Why would Cinderella’s shoes remain in their magic state?


Dopey Dad

Dear Dopey Dad,

I can just see it now – a Miniature Human snacking on popcorn, singing along with glee, wiggling her body with delight as she watches a beloved animated movie. Suddenly, real life takes a very dark turn. For who should enter as ominous music slowly rolls in the background? The big, green ogre and only one thing will make this monster happy. He needs to crush each and every speck of happiness within his eyesight.

The hapless Miniature Human never stood a chance.

Now you approach me with a gargantuan task that many would find impossible to complete. I need to find a way to mend the crushed hopes and dreams of a princess-loving Miniature Human. Not only that, but I need to do it in a way that doesn’t add to her burgeoning distrust of authority figures. I can just imagine the damage you’ve done to your credibility by attempting to fix the problem without the tools necessary for the job. Even the Miniature Human knew you were full of crap!

The World Of Parents™ has asked that you immediately cease all repairs for the next 30 days.

The Cinderella shoe scenario has been hotly debated for thousands of years, since the first telling in Greece. Or maybe China. There have even been whispers that the original story was told over an open campfire on Zealand. That magical storytelling island paradise fell into the ocean about 5,000 years ago and hasn’t been seen since. You may have heard of its namesake, New Zealand. But I digress, we were discussing why Cinderella’s shoe remained in glass.

Cinderella’s life may have been utterly terrible, but at least she had pretty shoes!

What kind of fairy godmother would outfit a girl in the finest ballgown and accoutrements only to rip it away hours later? Not any kind of fairy godmother that we know! Not only does this special moment give Cinderella hope for a better future, it serves very well to move the plot line to its happy conclusion.

Movie crisis averted, Miniature Human’s faith in humanity restored.

After your Miniature Human has recovered from this traumatic moment, you should consider a showing of Shrek. I think she’ll really appreciate the trials and tribulations of those who must deal with a grumpy ogre in need of a nap.


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