Dear Lola,

I have two young children and both are having difficulty sleeping in their own beds at night. While they sometimes settle down and fall asleep in their room, I find that more often than not I have to bring them into my bed in order to get them to fall asleep at a decent hour. My husband says he cannot take them hogging the bed any longer and he wants them back in their room. Lola, if I knew how to do that, I would have done it three years ago! What can I do to help my children fall asleep in their own room?


Cramped Quarters

Dear Cramped Quarters,

I’m going to be completely honest with you before we delve into this topic. I may not be the best source of advice in this area since I spend my nights sleeping between my Mommybeast and Daddybeast. While they put up a valiant effort during the first few months of my life, they eventually caved and decided that everyone was better off if I just slept with them.

And we lived happily ever after.

Well, I lived happily ever after. Every so often I hear one of them moaning about sleeping in a funny position but I disregard it as a human tendency to create problems where they don’t exist. You however, have a major problem on your hands. I think your first mistake was made when you upped the level of parenting difficulty by adding a second Miniature Human to the mix. The old saying that if one is fun, a second must be better is not true at all. However, we must deal with the predicament at hand because giving away one of your offspring will likely not be an option for you. If it is an option, you can stop reading the rest of my response and start packing someone’s bags.

Otherwise, the obvious solution is to adopt two canines.

Wait, wait, wait. Hear me out. Yes, two canines may cost a lot of money. Yes, two canines may cause a bit of chaos in the home. Yes, two canines may require a new level of cleaning that will leave you breathless and fatigued that no amount of sleeping with fewer people in your bed will ever solve. None of that will matter because the end result is that you will leave your husband speechless with shock.

Shocking a spouse speechless is the main goal of a healthy marriage.

The other positive side effect will be your Miniature Humans gladly racing their canine buddies to the bedroom in order to properly cuddle the night away. You see, at the heart of this problem lies loneliness and a strong survival instinct. Miniature Humans know that sleeping alone will make them more vulnerable to the Monsters of the Dark. 

Why else would two grown adults need to sleep in the same bed?

Unless you are ready to explain why you and your husband are sharing the same bed, you’ll just have to go with my solution of providing each of your Miniature Humans with their own cuddly canine. Not only will you and your spouse finally get some ‘sleep’ but you’ll also save money on the winter heating bill.

Canines are notorious for providing free foot warming services. 

In the unlikely event that adopting two canines isn’t an appealing prospect at this time, feel free to try my second solution. Create an evening routine that will allow your Miniature Humans to relax before bed. Turn off all electronics at least an hour before bedtime and participate in quiet activities like puzzles and coloring. Run a warm bath with some soothing lavender oil to calm things down. Finish up with a story that is read to your Miniature Humans as they lay in their own beds.

Consistency is key and will eventually prove successful.

And do us all a favor and turn on the night light before you leave the room. Those Monsters of the Dark are scary but everyone knows they cannot come out if there’s a light on.


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2 replies on “Dear Lola – Parents need children back in their own beds…

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